Let's Not Casterspersions

There has been much written and said in the media this past year concerning the gender of the South African 800m runner Caster Semenya and the manner of her win at a meeting in Berlin last night has brought about more negative press response.

But is it justified?

The simple and honest answer is no of course but how on Earth did we ever get to a position where a female athlete has her very being questioned merely because she is different from the norm? Perhaps I might offer an opinion.

In a world where it used to be super cool to be an adherent of the Andy Warhol philosophy of form over substance, shallow imagery and mediocrity being an able substitute for real talent, it is now only cool, perhaps tepid, to be merely different from mainstream. The market has become satiated. The world of art has suffered aesthetically, the world of comedy has suffered humorously and the performing arts have suffered per se. Warhol was a purveyor of illusions, he sold the Emperor’s new clothes whilst wearing raggedy ones himself. He blinded our senses in such a masterful way we would prefer to look at his interpretations of everything from the mundane to the iconic rather than see the actuality. Sheer genius!

Warhol’s influence grew like Christianity, slowly at first with great gushes of inspirational artists each having their own devoted followings, but unlike Christianity the true message became distorted and disciples lost their way. You see, the message Warhol preached through his work was that individuals are interesting. Andy was an individual. He mocked the world. He turned himself into a glorified silk screen printer and churned out manufactured goods. He invented the word Superstar and eventually became one himself. He said everyone would one day be famous for 15 minutes and then the world set out to prove him right.

Andy Warhol preached individuality but, unlike Jesus Christ, he was never meant to be a role model. The problem is Andy’s followers imitated the man and in an effort to sustain and prolong the illusion of cool they drew on the negative energy of his message. So initially we were fortunate to have great free-thinking artists such as David Bowie and John Lennon who were influenced to varying degrees and no doubt would have found ways to express their genius in any case but unfortunately the next generation of less gifted adherents concentrated on Warhol’s perceived surliness and cynicism – which is where we are now.

If you have ever watched a David Bowie interview you will see a man who truly looks at life a little differently from other people, naturally and unforced, although somewhat tortured. I am loathe to give examples of the next generation of artists in this field, particularly as I am a big fan of the likes of Goldfrapp, Madonna and Lady GaGa, but all I’ll say is that art imitates life and living people definitely imitate artists.

The world’s media is the natural progression of Andy Warhol’s influence in all walks of life - Cynical, judgemental, caustic, irreverent, voyeuristic, duplicitous and downright cruel. The press have a vested interest in concentrating on the negative and quite often they will actually create the negative to pander to public taste that they themselves procured. It is a totally self-perpetuating money-making racket that has given us the likes of Katie Price as the ultimate page-filler when a story is required. Without Warhol there would be no Jordan.

As for Caster Semenya – she has now been proven to be a woman although I can’t think why it has taken so long. If I were to drop my pants I would automatically be disqualified to run against women! Her times are good but not manly. I have run much faster for my local Crawley athletics club and I was but a rank and file club athlete. Teenagers often improve in great leaps from year to year and her naturally gifted strength may just make her a precociously talented child. Of course if she begins to run under 1min 50sec for 800m and knocks 20 seconds off her 1,500m time thereby bringing an unnatural element to the table then her case might require monitoring again (hopefully behind closed doors) for future benefit but please let’s leave the poor girl alone and let her live her life. Another South African runner Oscar Pistorius has a similar problem to Caster Semenya and is almost certainly on the same hiding to nothing as the young teenager. The blade-runner is allowed to run against able-bodied athletes and is accepted all the time he is mediocre at international level but how quickly things will change if he ever became a world beater – and it is possible. I have watched him many times and his starts are so abysmal and the middle part of his race so good that I believe that if he stepped up to 800m he would be able to break the world record (incidentally, broken at the same Berlin meeting last night) and that would set the cat among the pigeons.

I for one will be cheering for Caster Semenya to win gold in Delhi later this year. She trains has hard as anyone else, she is not particularly attractive to human senses but so what – the bottom line is she has definitely not tried to defraud or cheat in any way – end of (a phrase I’m sure would not have existed but for Andy Warhol : )

Beadle and Bytheway - gone but not forgotten

It was with mixed emotion I watched the Jeremy Beadle tribute on ITV last night.

Selfishly, I miss the great man as I can no longer call on him to help with some event that I might be involved with. At the moment I am putting together a charity event involving the celebrated Eggheads team, as part of the new schools 14-19 diploma initiative.

All the elements have Jeremy Beadle written all over them and he would have thrown himself into the event and ensured that I had no worries and the evening raised many thousands of pounds and a good time would be had by all.

Also quite selfishly I miss the vibe that Jeremy brought to every conversation we ever had, every situation, every meeting – positive, glowing, ambitious, enthusiastic and real.

Perhaps I didn’t learn too much new about Jeremy. I was actually working with the new production company of You’ve Been Framed just after Jeremy was dropped as presenter and I know, despite what David Liddiment might now say, the reason he was replaced was that they wanted someone cheaper!! This was typical showbiz false economy and with the best will in the world Lisa Riley found Jeremy a very hard act to follow.

I remember telling Jeremy this story and until then I had no idea how genuinely hurt and upset he was at this decision. You see Jeremy was not driven by money, although he could make it very easily, and he would have found a compromise.

In all honesty Jeremy was probably bigger than the show and it occurred to me that is probably why he didn’t get the opportunity to diversify into chat-show hosting.

Ironically, Jeremy kick-started the career of Jonathan Ross and yet he could have shown him a thing or two about interviewing techniques but when you are such a huge star, as Jeremy undoubtedly was, the public find it very difficult to accept you in another guise.

Jeremy was pigeon-holed as a prankster and yet he was one of the most knowledgeable men in television. Give me the choice between Jeremy and Stephen Fry for my quiz team and it would be Jeremy every time. Not to undermine Stephen’s qualities at all but I would know a lot of the comedian’s areas of speciality whilst Jeremy would always come up with the weird and wacky facts no one else would know.

Anyway, it was an ironic tribute from the company that let him down in a way, but all the same it was great to see Sue, Cassie and Bonnie in such good form and if I learnt anything at all it was that Jeremy was much sicker than he ever let on.

This programme made me think of another great friend who has just died prematurely.

Mark Bytheway was a similar animal to Jeremy in some respects. Great knowledge befitting a former World Quizzing Champion and current British champion, but a man who defies description such is his uniqueness and unpredictability. Blessed with an almost unequalled intellect Mark managed to live life to the full and balance the enforced lonely existence of a professional quiz player with bouts of gregariousness only known to those errant ‘never miss a session’ drinking types. Not your average world champion was Mark, but fiercely loyal and respectful. He quizzed with Jeremy too and on one occasion actually had Jeremy literally hurling trivial pursuit questions at him whilst he was cycling for dear life – don’t ask!

Mark also had an infectious enthusiasm which couldn't help but rub off on you and on many occasions we played in a team together and he involved me in professional 'quiz attacks' long before we had a recognised circuit. We had great successes together and just loved it when a plan worked. It is difficult to describe Mark's personality but imagine if Jeremy was Hannibal then Mark would be Murdoch!

I literally couldn't get to Mark's funeral, which has played heavily on my mind, but I loved him like a brother and know that his partner Jo has a magnificent support system in his local Swindon quiz fraternity and in particular my old friends Tim Westcott and Eric Kilby. I would occasionally play D'artagnan to their Three Musketeers but they were true brothers-in-arms.

RIP Jeremy and Mark - your like will never be seen again

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

I am probably in the minority but I actually like the revamped Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

I know the excitement of fastest finger has been taken away and to some extent the unravelling of personality as the wretched contestants no longer squirm in the chair for inordinate lengths of time (at least not for the early timed-questions), but judging by the one show I’ve seen so far, the contestants have been chosen very well and are most deserving.

It is an open secret that many of the changes were forced upon the production team by highly professional quiz syndicates who worked together to spread the wealth. This in itself was a very sensible exercise in my opinion but one that was open to abuse when taken to extreme measures.

To offer my experience of the show as an example might help to clarify.

I was not part of a syndicate and made my five calls to the show myself and also my five internet entries. I struck lucky. I must admit that subsequent to this I did receive some help by the pros who had heard about my good fortune. It was for instance a great help to be able to practice the fastest finger on a simulated machine and this did help my confidence although I should add that on my big night I was the only one of the ten contestants to get the question correct so speed was not of the essence.

After bumbling my way to the 32K question I decided to ask the audience on a question that I felt quietly confident I knew, until that is the result came back and 94 per cent of the audience disagreed. I went with the overwhelming verdict of the audience before Chris called for an ad break and I remained in my chair feeling rather smug.

Chris gave me no signs whatsoever and when we returned from the break and he looked in my eyes and said “It’s the wrong answer” I was momentarily taken aback although wore my best poker face.

At the time I felt a little aggrieved at Chris because he constantly wound the audience up by telling them I was definitely going to win a million and even when I pleaded for the audience not to press unless you know the answer for sure Chris interjected “they’re not going to take any notice of that, they’re on national television”

I mentioned this story to Chris’s PA last week but what I failed to mention was that Chris’s unprofessional approach probably only made a very slight difference to the skewed result - the largest wrong answer in the history of the show!

A few days after the show aired I received an email from an audience member who expressed her sorrow at my loss and explained to me that someone in the audience had told her the wrong answer and she pressed accordingly. No names were mentioned but the description of the individual did fit someone I knew to be in a syndicate and I had met in the queue for the recording a few hours before the show. A few further enquiries made it perfectly clear what had happened and at least it allayed my fears that the whole audience hated me. It seems this person, a big winner himself, had a history of thwarting the chances of non-syndicate members by pressing for wrong answers and this is the ugly side of syndication I'm afraid.

I can see the funny side of it though. This chap actually had the chutzpah to come up to me immediately after the recording to commiserate and assure me he had pressed the correct button (one of only six per cent it seems!). He still remains blissfully unaware that I know what happened but what the heck I would not fall out over something so trivial as money. On the positive side at least I knew that the production company had not stitched me up or the whole of the studio audience hated me : )

One of the nine other contestants on my show was a Mr Ingram Wilcox, a very accomplished quiz player. Ingram had made the final ten several times but had not made it into the chair so it was fantastic to watch him finally succeed in 2006 and walk away with the million.

Speaking of millionaires, I read Bill Gates’ views today in the newspaper and agree that if only billionaires would give just half their wealth towards alleviating poverty then we could wipe out so much of the unnecessary suffering in this world. It occurs to me that no one really cares about those less fortunate people otherwise the rich would not be getting richer and the poor poorer. Third world countries have no say and have been abandoned I’m afraid. I would cap wealth at a million personally. We are so fortunate in the west, and in this little island in particular, but it is time Governments, perhaps the UN, stepped up to the mark and came up with a plan to make life more equal around the world. I often feel ashamed to be human on so many levels. We cannot be trusted to do the right thing, NEPOTISM in all its guises creates corruption and when nepotism is practised as a nation then spiritual chaos is all that's left.

Thank God for Michael Bloomberg, David Rockefeller, Warren Buffet, George Soros, Charles Feeney, Ted Turner, Oprah Winfrey, Eli and Edythe Broad, John and Tashia Morgridge, George Lucas, T Boone Pickens, Barry Diller and Diane Von Furstenberg, Baron Hilton, Ronald Perelman, Larry Ellison and of course Bill Gates. I understand all these people have pledged half their wealth and they are also preaching the merits of philanthropy to other billionaires. I would go a step further and ask people with two million to donate one of those million. The benefits are indescribable. Wealth is an illusion - a drug like any other. Striving is important - beneficial - poverty prevents creativity, motivation, ambition and drive. It causes criminal tendencies. We need to strike a balance but this is beyond human collectivity. Governments need to tax the super rich for their own good and the good of the world. It is obvious.

I agree with everything Prince Charles says about saving our planet but the truth is it will all be in vain unless we change as a people.

Sorry to end on such a serious note

As I write I have the radio on in the background and here are three jokes I have just heard

1) I hate those little Russian matryoshka dolls - they are so full of themselves!

2) My friend got a job in a bowling alley today. “Ten pin” I asked. “No” he replied “permanent!”

3) There was a young lady from Saigon who felt Limericks were three lines too long

Long Live Doctor Who?

It occurred to me today that I might well be unique inasmuch as I am fairly sure I have seen every episode of Doctor Who since that very first episode on the day after President Kennedy was assassinated in 1963. I say fairly sure because even to me it seems quite fantastic that in those days before video recorders I consistently managed to transpire to be in front of a television set on a Saturday evening. I must be deluding myself I know but I honestly believe that I have never missed a single one. I was hooked from the moment my father called us kids down to watch the very first episode An Unearthly Child. The child of the title was in fact the Doctor’s granddaughter Susan Foreman, who excelled in some subjects at school but showed a distinct lack of knowledge in others to the dismay of her teachers Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright. Susan went to school in 1960’s Britain because she was stranded on Earth due to a malfunctioning TARDIS. The puzzled teachers followed Susan home one day and saw her disappear into a police telephone box situated in an old junkyard. Thus began the longest-running, and finest, sci-fi series of all time.

I was already a great fan of CS Lewis and the Narnia Chronicles so was used to the concept of snow-covered lands at the back of wardrobes but the TARDIS was such a brain-stretcher, it remains the same fascinating concept today as it was then. To see Ian and Barbara walk in and then walk out and around, as virtually every other assistant has done so since, before commenting “but it’s bigger on the inside” ensured a life-long addiction. At nine-years-old I bought the books and watched the Peter Cushing films and remember being so upset when William Hartnell turned into Patrick Troughton. Although William Hartnell will always be the best Dr Who for me, as he was the first, I soon enjoyed all the subsequent incarnations, in equal measure – they all brought something to the table and the character is so iconic, and complex, that it is almost impossible to miscast an actor in the role.

I remember settling down to see the second episode on the 30 November 1963 and was absolutely gobsmacked when the first episode was shown again. This was not advertised in the newspapers and we merely thought it was a mistake but the relief and joy when the second episode was shown immediately after has gone down in history as one of those iconic television moments. After a brief visit back to the cave-dwelling troglodytes we were transported to Skaro and the civil war between the Daleks and Thals. We were then transported to distant planets or to different time periods on Earth, always meeting the famous people of the day such as Marco Polo. I remember one storyline, The Celestial Toyroom, which literally terrified me as it became apparent that even the doctor was a mere pawn at the hands of the toymaker.

Why do I mention my love for the programme now?

My dear friend Gavin Fuller won Mastermind answering questions on Doctor Who and is far more knowledgeable about the programme than I could ever be but poor Gavin was born after the series began and so has to have a distorted view of the whole. Most fans tend to love the doctor who was incumbent at the time of their first cognisant viewing. Can someone who did not live through the 60s really appreciate The Beatles, or begin to understand their effect on humankind? It is the same with Doctor Who to a lesser extent, but in the same way as I had become slightly disillusioned with Paul McCartney since the McCartney/Lennon debacle and the Heather Mills thing I had also become slightly miffed at the way Doctor Who had been heading. Although the actors have been incredibly gifted since its return unfortunately the writers had made it almost a parody of itself with constant implied references to its iconic stature – and then along came Steven Moffat to breathe new life and spark. I watched the final series episode last weekend and was moved to tears for the first time in years. Steven is an incredible talent and probably the most underrated writer in Britain. Joking Apart was one of the best ever comedies on television. It was original and funny and so intelligently well written it was almost a scandal that it did not clean up on the awards front. Anyone who has a stand-up comedian as a friend will know what a nightmare these people can be off stage. It is part of what makes people laugh at them and Joking Apart portrayed this beautifully although making the leading protagonist something of a misunderstood hero too.

I am so looking forward to the next series of Doctor Who when I assume River Song (played surprisingly well by Alex Kingston) will play a fairly prominent role as her mysterious relationship with the doctor unravels.

Unlucky England footballers but Long Live Doctor Who!

Good health to you all but what does that mean?

I feel a little ashamed today.

I saw the surgeon the other day about the lump in my perineum area. He was a very affable man and began our conversation with a cheery “How are you?” which I always find a very strange opening gambit by a doctor as I quite obviously would not have the pleasure of his company if I were well!

Mr Williams was direct and no messing about at all – internal examination, MRI scan booked, advice and leaflets on a side issue of pruritus – oh and he advised me never to cycle again!!
A bit of an over-reaction I thought so I did the usual sportsperson thing and looked for someone who could tell me that this prognosis was nonsense. Alas I failed and the second opinion concurred with the first!!!

Although he hadn’t had my scan result yet the good doctor confirmed to me in writing that in his opinion the subcutaneous swelling can only be alleviated by non-cycling – possibly forever!
Reading those dramatic words panicked me a little as at my advanced age there is very little else I can do to keep fit and I am one of those sad creatures that feels the need to look after the body I was blessed with. Saying that, I am very aware that this desire for physical fitness is a mental condition and only last summer an eminent cardiologist told me that in his opinion I am as much a junkie as someone who injects heroin into their veins every day!

Again this doctor was quite wrong. I would not jeopardise my health by over-exercising and would/could stop if I were forced to.

At the moment I have compromised with the surgeon and agreed to change my saddles and have purchased a couple of odd-looking purpose-built perineum-friendly saddles that I shall relish testing when I am completely healed.

I had an appointment to get my ears syringed today at my local surgery and as I waited at reception I exchanged greetings with one of the doctors . His opening remark was “how are you?”.
I was inclined to respond “ apart from my two blocked ears, tinnitus, SVT, bad back, dodgy shoulder, calf and Achilles strains and the very depressing prognosis of my perineum infection – I’m not so bad”.
Of course I did the British thing and merely replied “fine thank you and how are you?”. The brief pause before his reply of “not so bad” told me that he was probably suffering worse than I at the moment!

Anyway, as per usual the nurse would not unblock my glue ears as they are forever pink and scaly so I just have to put up with deafness until they magically clear. I say as per usual as I have been referred for syringing several times recently but never actually managed to get the deed done for the aforementioned reason. I have been living in this strange world of muffled hearing every morning when I wake and it is quite disorientating. I go through a routine of trying to unblock them with a hot flannel and have had some success on good days but more often than not fail miserably so resort to pouring olive oil in them. This is the recent innovation in ear wax dispersion, the olive oil softens the wax and makes it easier to syringe out – although in my case it is back to the flannel.

Despite these irritating niggles I am actually in rude health and am always acutely aware that so many people have to confront real health issues which devastate their lives and they sometimes have no hope of reprieve.

You see the obsession with physical fitness tends to make all athletes finely tuned and just one short step away from hypochondria. I remember the actress Sheila Hancock saying once when being interviewed and asked about her health “mind you I’ve never felt quite right all my life– have you?” This sums up the condition of the inveterate exerciser.
Two old friends and fellow competitors in very different fields have been struggling with cancer recently.

I read today in the obituaries that Andy Ripley OBE finally succumbed to prostate cancer after a five-year battle with the disease. Andy was a one-off, a true extrovert. After his fantastic international rugby union career was ended so abruptly in 1976 he came to the Crawley area to live with his wife, Elizabeth and three young children and began to train with us although competing for Luton Polytechnic. I got to know him very well and loved his eccentricity and laid-back attitude. He would often spend his time playing with his children before training sessions and then just step on the track to complete an interval session. We often competed against each other in the Southern League where we would invariably both start the day in the 400 hurdles move on to the shot putt and then usually end up doing the high hurdles and relays. Andy was an inspiration to all around him and certainly inspired me to take up fitness competitions and indoor rowing after he won the World Superstars title in 1980 and numerous rowing titles throughout the nineties. You see Andy just loved keeping fit and had no airs and graces about his international career. I find it unusually upsetting that Andy is no longer with us as he was so full of life and I felt his work on earth was not yet complete – perhaps it was.

An old quizzing friend of mine, Mark Bytheway, was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and last October was told he might not make it to Christmas but in typical Mark fashion he has fought on defiantly and although now in a hospice he is fighting valiantly and even managed to enjoy the England versus USA game the other day with some old mates and a beer. Mark is a former British and World Quizzing champion and as much a one-off as Andy was. Mark is not your stereotypical quiz player. He can be bold and brash, brave, hard-drinking fearless but always brilliant. I remember Beadlebum had this great idea of asking all-comers to compete against me on an indoor bike whilst being asked trivial pursuit questions (only Jeremy could think that one up!) and Mark stepped onto the bike wearing his everyday clothes and proceeded to ride a faster time than all the other competitors despite never doing a jot of training. Only the other day Kev Ashman and I went to see Mark with another friend, Nigel. Mark was looking awful, jaundiced bright yellow and constantly vomiting black bile. He hadn’t spoken for a couple of hours as he was exhausted. Kev and Nigel were discussing Pat Gibson’s choice of Mastermind subject, the Pixar films, and had decided that it was not too difficult a subject as there were only nine of them. As we looked at Mark his fist began to open and then close and then open again. Mark was informing Nigel and Kev (the multi-world quiz champion) that there were 10 Pixar films to-date!! And of course he was quite right – sheer genius!

Now you see why I began this blog telling you I felt ashamed.

The most important aspect of our wellbeing is spiritual health – the physical state is often perceived by us to be vital in overcoming life’s vicissitudes when in fact a strong spiritual base can alleviate much of the grief experienced in our everyday lives. I know this sounds contradictory that on the one hand I admit the need for physical exercise as I clearly function better when serotonin levels are high but on the other hand I am saying that a strong relationship with God can make one feel full of joy whatever the physical condition might be. Jesus Himself was always surprised that man placed physical wellbeing in front of spiritual enlightenment.

Only one aspect of my Christian spirit can I feel confident about. You see among many other things Christianity is a desire. An earnest desire to walk in the shadow of our Lord Jesus and emulate his nature. A desire to do good, be good, see good in all people. A desire to put aside one’s original sin and natural evilness to reflect in an open and fair manner. A desire to be tolerant and to love and to forgive if sinned against in the same way that we ourselves have been forgiven.

Christians have this desire and try not to let their natural sinful nature destroy relationships. They inevitably fall short and cannot always find the right words or actions as they are fickle.
Although I am a Catholic I sometimes visit other churches than my local Friary to witness other Christians and sometimes other faiths. I visited the Crawley Baptist Church last week and had a wonderful evening. The first Sunday in each month is open house for all Crawley churches and the congregation tends to be like-minded in its respect for the Church in general. The visiting minister stated a very true fact about humans. He said “trust can take years to build what suspicion can destroy in an instant”. Perhaps we do not trust enough. Perhaps we are too suspicious. Why can we not accept that we are going to cock up now and then but remain trusting and in a loving relationship. It is suspicion that prevents true forgiveness. Suspicion of motives, suspicion of a lack of respect, suspicion of repentance, suspicion of true sorrow. We hear the expression ‘benefit of the doubt’ and yet we do not know what it means as we rarely give it. WE ALL FALL SHORT. I personally fall so short that I spend my whole life inwardly cringing at things I have said or done when not in the spirit. You see I have the desire but am constantly striving against temptation and my physical stubborness.

So how can we be Christians when we continue to sin all the time in the knowledge that Jesus was totally and uniquely sinless?

We profess our Christianity as a statement of fact because we believe that Jesus, the man on earth, son of God in heaven, died for our sins on the cross two thousand years ago because God so loved the world he gave His only begotten son so we might have the opportunity for eternal life, the kind of life that every single one of us would want if given the choice free from the shackles of sin. To understand what I mean perhaps just think of what we call the seven deadly sins and think if you have ever transgressed. Now imagine a situation where you had a different mindset and all those attractive sins such as lust and greed were banished from your mind because there would be nothing to be greedy for or lust after as you would be consumed by love – Is it now possible for you to imagine how a community might exist with a hierarchy and infrastructure better than the present one and how this ideal is carved indelibly into the soul of every true Christian – and no we are not Stepford beings we have freewill and character too. You see we want to be there to see this spectacle, we want to serve our Father as He serves us. We have passion and desire, we remain undaunted when things go wrong for us, we cock up but try and rebuild where possible and where not possible then we pray for God’s grace. We don’t need to see miracles (although all of us probably wish we could witness a supernatural event merely to satisfy our desire to shove it up all those smug atheists) because we understand the importance of faith, that intangible trust and hope that all non-believers would have you believe makes us fools and yet without faith God cannot know you or have faith in you as what have you shown Him? What have I shown Him? My desire is not enough - I am mindful of my old school motto Facta Non Verba (deeds not words).

I pray that Andy and Mark will by the grace of God find a place in Heaven. Two great men on Earth, one no longer with us the other in the twilight of his time (we all still hope for a miracle but thy will be done).

Life is cyclical but not for me!

March came in like a lion and went out like a lamb for me.

Professionally, I managed to all but finish a very thorough update of my A to Z of Everything for an October publication and am now eagerly awaiting the General Election results to complete the task.

Socially, I was flying around on my bike and with two solid months of cycling behind me I was beginning to leave my fellow Crawley Wheelers in my wake up the hills – the ability to climb hills bizarrely being the benchmark for respect within any cycling club. I say bizarrely because we only have one hill climb race per year so the ability to beat another rider to the top of a hill is far less important than the ability to hug a wheel or turn a huge gear or win the sprint to a post!
I had intended to ride to France last weekend with several of my team-mates but disaster struck mid- March. In an effort to ensure I would not struggle on the French ride to Boulogne-sur-Mer I rode a 100-mile training ride – my first ever!

After completing the ride quite comfortably I retired to bed only to wake up shivering an hour later. The shivering turned to fever and a feeling of dehydration and on rising I realised I had a very painful swelling in my nether regions. To cut a long story short I had managed to pick up some sort of infection and although various antibiotics prevented anything too nasty occurring I have been left with a rather painful calloused lump that simply will not disburse so is going to have to be removed surgically. So after managing to negotiate the cold winter months relatively painlessly (I did come a cropper on the ice in February) I am now off the bike as we approach the spring and summer months.

In mid-April a friend from Purley died and I was asked to arrange the funeral and put his house in order so to speak. This was obviously very sad but gave me an opportunity not to wallow in my own misery by being focused on making the arrangements for the send-off of a much-loved man.

Unfortunately, I broke the basic rules of lifting whilst doing a spot of house clearing and managed to tweak something in my lower back. So after not being able to sit down at my desk for the past six weeks due to my lump I now cannot sit down at my desk due to back strain! Happy Days!

Strangely, it has not been such a bad month. I have managed to get through more work than usual, answer all my backlog of mail and I have even caught up on some much-needed Bible study. I also took time out last Sunday to watch my friend, Ritchie Venner, annihilate the field to win the Southern Vets table tennis championship. Bolstered by a narrow defeat to British No 1 Paul Drinkhall, Ritchie was in inspired form and only dropped a couple of games in the whole tournament, and such was his superb form the other bamboozled finalist actually conceded before the end of the match!

I also found time to watch a recording of the World Junior ten-dance championships in Moscow. A cycling chum, Andy Duffin, had recorded the event as his two sons were competing and it was great to see young talent flourishing in a competitive but sporting environment. Young William Duffin and his partner Amy look like stars of the future and placed a highly-commendable 32nd out of 64 finalists.

My friend Bev invited me to a quiz at Nutfield Priory, nr Redhill and my winning prize was a couple of vouchers for a free back massage – perfect timing given my current position!

My only disappointment is that I had also hoped to walk in the footsteps of my hero, Jesus, whilst off the bike but the planned trip to Jerusalem in May coincides with the General Election stats and proofreading duties so will have to be placed on hold.

It is nice sometimes to step back and smell the roses as they say. I have tended to get into the habit of working all God’s hours and when not at my desk I’d be planning my training routines on my turbo or I’d be out trying to knock off a few seconds off my time up Box Hill. With the enforced rest I was now finding time for the theatre, films, a couple of quizzes, some television and I even sussed out a new church. The funny thing is after a few weeks the perspective comes back into your life and you realise that life goes on without cycling and it is good.

We humans are creatures of habit and when these habits are altered we become stressed and anxious until we step back and realise that our habits are actually a negative thing in many ways.

My friend who died was a great collector. Malcolm had huge collections of stamps, cigarette cards, books, cigar labels, scissors!, watches, and money...........yes money, not foreign money or rare coins but sterling coins. Eccentric perhaps but the product of an orderly mind or at least that is the perception. I am in awe of these collections but realise that these obsessions are the same ones as I used to suffer from. I also used to be a collector – of cigarette cards, coins, books, magic tricks, comics, classical vinyl records, playing cards, and the most bizarre one of all writing implements! Everything from quill pens to coloured chalk – what was that all about?

These things are all just habits – safe havens for us to escape into when feeling insecure or not in sync with the rest of the universe. The lesson I learnt and am relearning now is that none of us are islands. Things that seem important to us have little impact on the cosmos generally. What is important is that we have a perspective on life and how we use our waking hours.

Yes on the whole it has been a great past couple of months

Battle of Hustings!

As a result of Laura Moffatt standing down as our local MP we had the Comedy Club Roadshow, better known as Crawley CLP Hustings, last night at the Civic Hall.

A week ago I had planned to vote for my friend Chris Oxlade, as I knew we didn’t really have any other local members who could gain populace votes in the constituency. I did have reservations as I knew he wasn’t really very well versed politically but the local Labour Party mafia were extolling his virtues so I felt they must be ready to groom him.
However, as these things sometimes happen, I subsequently received an email from one of the two National Executives’ choice of candidate, Sonia Sodha. This young lady was obviously going places. She ticked all the boxes as a model candidate for Crawley: young, highly-intelligent, motivated, articulate, passionate, friendly but determined and as luck would have it she had two Asian parents.

Now this last ‘quality’ might seem irrelevant but the truth is at every other meeting I have attended the past few years the subject of the “apathy of our 15 per cent Asian community” has been raised. “If only we could second someone they could identify with so that they might feel that they have a voice” is a phrase I have heard on numerous occasions – and so naturally I was very excited to find when I actually did my homework on Sonia she surpassed all my expectations.
I sat through a two-hour video of her giving evidence to a Westminster select committee on a subject close to my heart – Education. I was interested in this as I happen to have been seconded onto a Croydon Schools steering committee for the new Government Diploma initiative which begins in the autumn term 2010.
I phoned Sonia to question her on this and other aspects of education as well as find out what she knew about Crawley itself as she lived some 15 miles outside the borough.
Again Sonia did not disappoint. She was well aware of all the local issues regarding our lack of full hospital services, unemployment, airport expansion, Asian apathy, and she even knew all about the disreputable opposition candidate Henry Smith and his lack of pothole funding! (if only he would contribute some of his unnecessary expenses of the past year he might at least retarmac the High Street outside the Town Hall – it is a disgrace!).

I realise I am known more for my ability to answer quiz questions and to solve lateral thinking problems but I believe my real talent is my ability to assess the merits of people. Not all types of people and not on all occasions but just sometimes I can spot a good one. It is not a psychic thing, not a gut feeling as such (although this is often as I describe it) it is simply a series of subtle judgements I am able to make given the person’s body language, manner, background, speech and general mien. Another words I muster the same skills as I use on Mensa tests or any of those quizzes I used to take part in a few years ago.
Anyway, I saw the flashing green lights with Sonia and knew I had to do something.
I wrote to Colin Moffatt, a respected local member, to air my views. I phoned Ian Weller, Chris Redmayne, Chris Mullins, the local party office and anyone else who would listen. I could hardly come out and say I KNOW we have a potential Prime Minister in our midst so I tried to be a little more subtle and ask for their opinions whilst managing to offer my own view. I did not hear back from Colin and after the disgraceful behaviour last night I now know why. Mr Weller also had already made his mind up but the two Chris’s were willing to be swayed at the Hustings (thank God I thought).

We had five candidates all speaking for 10 minutes, the first four were all good although Sonia was quite remarkable and not only gave a rousing speech but also handled the ten-minute question session impeccably. I watched the near 140 audience members nod with her and clap her as she went along. I listened to the loudest cheer of the evening both when she finished her speech and her Q & A session. I punched the air as she strode off the stage………..Surely every single person in that hall could see what I saw?

The last candidate was Chris Oxlade and his ten-minutes were different from the other four inasmuch as he spent a lot of the time reiterating what we already knew about him from his CV. The question-session that followed was an unmitigated disaster and time after time Chris was unable to offer any personal opinion whatsoever and seemed not to understand the purpose of the evening. It was embarrassing at the time and I felt for him very much. He is an absolutely lovely lad and I broke convention last June by speaking on his behalf before voting took place to elevate him to the council representing my own area of Bewbush. This was a no-brainer for me as the man is a legend locally, has his own show on Radio Mercury on Saturday mornings and the popularity coupled with a media outlet is EXACTLY what you want locally. Unfortunately this does translate into candidacy for prospective MP!! Debating skills are necessary, ability to think on your feet without pondering and above all an awareness of the bigger picture. I knew Chris did not possess these qualities in abundance although a week earlier I was prepared to give him my vote as I felt his other qualities might make his position tenable.
Chris’s performance last night made it impossible to vote for him and the woman supporter (who I shall not name out of respect for a very high-profile member of the party) who spent the whole of Chris’ speech whooping and hollering through every faux pas and clapping and cheering every errant word in a vain attempt to hoodwink the audience into believing this was the Messiah we were listening to, should be ashamed of herself and the disgrace she brought on her family. This woman even shouted down a lady questioner at one point when she tried to ask if Chris felt he was up for the job. Fortunately for Chris this wasted some time but the real killer blow came within the last 90 seconds when the final questioner asked “what is your view on Casino Capitalism?” I was feeling so sorry for my friend by now that I was somewhat relieved when the vague expression and sweated brow was now replaced by a wry grin. “What is my view on Casino Capitalism?. Where shall I start” Chris was then given the one minute reminder and it became clear that this was either going to be a killer reply or something was very wrong. I had worked out by now that Chris didn’t have a clue what the term meant but couldn’t understand why he didn’t ask Roy to explain the term. It would be no disgrace and it is a fair bet that he wouldn’t be the only candidate that didn’t understand the term. But alas no, Chris preferred to remain silent and never uttered another word until the timekeeper called time. Chris was given sympathetic applause and I shall not repeat what some of my fellow members commented on his performance but suffice to say the neutrals were blissfully unaware that the hustings meant nothing.

The count came back and Chris beat Sonia by one vote!

Well done the Crawley Labour Party – I have never felt so ashamed since I hosted the British Quiz championships ten years ago and had to announce a skewed result because someone had added an unedited and unseen final round which probably cost Kev Ashman the title, although the winner was indeed a very worthy champion.
Chris Oxlade is also a worthy champion. The party says so! It is just a plain and simple fact that the best person for the job did not win. Of course I shall back Chris, and indeed have spent the Easter weekend delivering leaflets around town on his behalf, but I shall always know at the back of my mind that we could have done something great for our town but failed miserably!

Whatever Sonia does next I know we all support her in Crawley. We all wish her the best and I for one hope and pray another vacancy comes up in the future before she is snapped up by another constituency.