Nepotism - the scourge of the ruling classes!

I hereby call for the resignations of both David Cameron and Nick Clegg on the grounds of nepotism, the scourge of human frailty and my own particular bête noire.

By coming out in defence of David Laws, who was found guilty of using taxpayers’ money to pay his boyfriend more than £100,000, our two chief politicians have shown they cannot be trusted to adhere to consistent logical procedures implemented to ensure the public can have total faith in our elected Members of Parliament.

And before anyone accuses me of being biased, I can declare that I resigned from the Labout Party earlier this year in protest at the nepotism shown last year when electing our Labour Party candidate to fight the General Election.

I understand this human frailty only too well. We are all guilty of it. As soon as we first speak to a total stranger on a bus we are more prone to favour that person over any other passenger – It is the way humans are wired and may appear quite harmless but in actual fact this tendency is responsible for more of the world’s ills than any plague we have ever dealt with.

It might seem good to place people that one can trust in positions of authority. The problem is that vested interests creep in and ‘blind eyes’ are turned often resulting in tragedy. I do not jest when I say that none of the world’s dictators would have existed but for nepotism. What was the first thing that Stalin did before implementing his own will on the Russian people? He launched a massive purge against his native enemies and either had them executed or imprisoned in Siberian gulags. How did Hitler manage to persuade the German people that cultural hegemony was a sound and worthy cause? His first action was to have a massive purge against his native enemies (the original one in 1934 known as ‘The Night of the Long Knives’). And what of Trujillo – massive purge of native enemies by systematic killings and expanded this to indiscriminate killing of Haitians that shared the island of Hispaniola with the Dominican Republic. This was known as the Parsley Massacre. And Chairman Mao – massive purge of native enemies and had them horrifically tortured in very graphic circumstances; Saddam Hussein (massive purge of native enemies, mainly Kurds, in the so-called Al-Anfal campaign of genocide). In every case these purges were supplemented by the dictators strategically placing their own choices in the top government positions.

Even with the apparently good regimes such as Kennedy’s ‘Camelot’ the nepotism almost plunged the world into nuclear war because in truth many of JFK’s advisors were not worthy of the positions held.

A form of nepotism got OJ Simpson a reprieve from murder and his current 33 year sentence for armed robbery probably vindicates that assessment. The old pal’s act, money buys anything, if your face fit – call it what you will, but unless the general public has faith in government then we will always be in recession! 

David Laws might be a most affable good-hearted chap but he clearly cannot be allowed to serve in Government because he is tarnished. He might well be totally trustworthy but it is the perception that is all important here and unfortunately he should have thought about the bigger picture. Normally I would love the idea of loyalty to a friend but in asking for clemency for David Laws both David Cameron and Nick Clegg don’t seem to understand that rules are made for a reason and cannot be compromised on a whim or else the fabric of society breaks down. David Laws is an intelligent quick-witted man and will do well in any job he takes on but unfortunately he has burnt his bridges in politics for me.

Happy Easter to you all

The young bomb disposal expert Captain Lisa Head recently killed in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan has prompted me to re-evaluate my thoughts about the military.


When we think of all those soldiers that have lost their lives in the course of their duty we often attempt to rationalise it with all manner of inadequate cliches: ‘Liberty’, ‘Queen and country’, ‘democracy’, ‘good over evil’, ‘a necessary evil’, ‘fair play’, ‘honour’, ‘future peace’, ‘stability’ and even ‘they knew the risk’. To the families left behind, all these reasons are but crumbs of comfort as despair, emptiness, confusion and anger embroil their very being. And yet many of the left behind find joy in the knowledge that their loved ones did not die in vain.



A Christian’s life is very similar – On this Good Friday we reflect on the anniversary of Jesus’ death and we attempt to rationalise it albeit in a typically human way. We know that Jesus suffered a truly painful death and we also know He did this for us, so that we might be saved – and yet because we learn that the story has a happy ending in which Jesus rises again our fickle brains make light of the sacrifice Jesus made.



I remember the parable of the labourers in the vineyard whereby the householder hired various workers in the morning for a penny a day. As the day went on he hired more workers at the third hour, the sixth hour and finally at the eleventh hour. He told these latecomers that he would pay them what is right. When the day was done and the steward paid each man a penny, those that had worked all day felt cheated. The steward had paid the last recruited first and it was too much for them to bear to see these people receive a full penny. They imagined the goodman of the house would pay them more when it came to their turn – but alas no. Perhaps if the steward had only paid the latecomers half a penny the early workers would still be satisfied!

There are several points here: Jesus offered this parable as an example of a description of the kingdom of heaven. One of the morals of the story is that the last shall be first and the first last. I had a real example of this in practice today when I turned up late for church and the car park was full. I drove around the block and found the one free parking space at the back of the church next to the presbytery. As the church was full I was ushered in to the presbytery where I and some other latecomers were given a full-screen video-link of the service complete with a fantastic audio system. We didn’t even have to queue to take communion as one of the priests came to us first. It isn’t a great analogy perhaps but truth is I arrived at church at 2.50 for a 3 o’clock service so was not really late and I was not bothered about parking as I knew there was a pay-and-display just up the road. In a similar way in the parable those that were employed first thing required no faith. They entered into a contract and were paid their full due. Those that were employed later in the day were only told they would be paid “whatever is right”. They required faith that they would be paid a fair amount. Clearly the good householder had done no wrong. He entered into a contract with each worker and they were happy. What changed? Absolutely nothing – except the ridiculous non-christian sense of fair play that humans have developed since man’s first disobedience. It is this same fallacy that permeates all human reasoning and why we struggle to do the right thing without recourse to God. How many times have I heard non-christians tell me they do not sin? Well clearly most so-called ‘right-minded citizens’ would feel a little peeved if someone who worked only one hour received the same wages for their graft as they themselves who worked a full twelve hours. They simply cannot rationalise things correctly in their human brains. It is a sin to covet someone else’s property and that is what this parable describes – among several other things.



Most people cannot comprehend any other way.



I read in this morning’s Telegraph that Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury has suggested that the rich and powerful should be required by law to spend time each year helping the poor and needy. He is right in my opinion. It is not so much wrong that we elevate the rich and famous but all Christians know that all such people have received their reward on Earth and human wealth and position trucks no status in the kingdom of heaven. I wrote to every person who took part in the Secret Millionaire series. I was touched by the crumbs they threw at those in need. I was not interested in their motives as it was of no consequence. Their reward is of this Earth but God in His kingdom expects far more of us.



In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians (chapters 6 and 7) he lays out a template for the perfect Christian life for all those born again. The template is as relevant today as it was 2000 years ago and yet even the truest of Christians struggle with its content. I myself am guilty of customising my faith to accommodate my shortcomings.



I was driving along with a Christian friend the other day and they asked me out of the blue to describe my relationship with God using a motoring analogy. I didn’t even think momentarily as I had no idea what I was going to say but my mouth spoke anyway. I saw myself driving down the highway alone with God driving beside me on the inside lane watching me. I was aware of Him and acutely aware of my sin also. I felt guilty but safe all the while He was watching over me. I felt panic too that He might disappear in exasperation at my stubborness. You see I do not do enough as a Christian, in fact, although I love the Lord with all my heart, I do nothing. I wondered why God did not pull over and invite me into His car. And then my mind wandered to God’s car on my inside. He was driven by His angels and He was pained. He said to them “Why doesn’t he pull over and ask Me for a lift”. You see the problem is there is a divide. I feel I have separated myself so inevitably communication breaks down. God does not hear unrepentant sinners and does not speak to those who will not listen. Although I pray that He makes me listen, the truth is He would rather I used my own freewill.

Please don’t misunderstand, I do nothing outrageously wrong. I have always felt not quite good enough anyway. It is my nature. I am one of six children and I never felt quite deserving of five siblings and never felt quite good enough to be a member of my own family. I was always on the fringes looking in but never participating fruitfully. It was the same with friendships. Why would anyone want to befriend me? – a sinner. So that said, it is inevitable that I feel I am a long way short of what a Christian should be. I say the right things of course but the truth is I am fickle. I am opinionated for one. I have always been anti-war and anti-fighting period – and yet I read the story of Captain Head and my human brain cannot compute. I don’t know her motives for joining the military but the job she undertook was brave to a point that few can imagine and I certainly can’t. She killed no one, rather she put herself on the front line to protect others. I hope that she is awarded a posthumous VC so that people will remember her bravery and her memory will live on on this Earth. I also pray that God evaluates her life and deeds and by His grace and mercy finds her to be someone worthy of His kingdom.



What is my sin you might ask? Where shall I begin. I am a fickle human being. I am supposed to try to emulate Jesus’ life and yet I lie over the most stupid things and try to justify my lies by imagining it is ‘for the best’! I am an occasional gambler who again justifies it by imagining that it is moderate and never happens during the 40 days of lent! I have too much money in the bank but justify that by throwing crumbs and imagining that I have responsibilities – and of course the rainy day syndrome! Where is my faith?

And of course I am very aware of my human frailty every time I am a victim of bad driving or bad manners. Need I go on. And yet I call myself Christian. Is it any wonder that we as a race are in the state we are in. Why we revere the likes of Richard Dawkins as some sort of revelationary guru instead of pity the simple-minded non-entity that I feel him to be. Ah well I suppose he does make a lot of money so in the world he describes this one to be perhaps my evaluation of him is a little harsh. I myself am fed up being a hypocrite. My faith is constant and eternal and yet am I the light I should be – NO WAY. I know of at least one person I had a relationship with in the past who would not think of me as any sort of light. For myself on this Blessed day I know time is running out. I must get things right in God’s eyes. I want my car to stop - to run out of petrol if that is the only way.



So to all those out there who also feel not quite good enough, please don’t despair. God is a patient God. Repent with a true heart and know that whether your sin is greater or less than mine is of no consequence to God. The Holy Spirit will help all those who have a true wish to purify their soul and although you will inevitably fall short of the perfection of Jesus you will find that if you do all that is humanly possible to know God then He will be there for you, not in an airy-fairy way but in a real way. And why then do I still bumble along having to continually confess my sins? Because I am human, better than some at being human and a whole heap worse than others. I cannot trust myself to refrain from nepotism and all those seemingly innocuous skewed decisions we make every day. Just look at those politicians we place in the ivory towers. They are no worse than any workers in any industry. Their mind sets are merely human and fallible. Unfortunately until we change the hearts of man we will all just bumble along making self-seeking decisions. But the good news is we can start looking at ourselves and make changes to ourselves. Not be influenced by what society (quite often the media today) deems as acceptable but take our lead from a higher source of command. Do not worry about being used and abused. Do not worry about being duped. And certainly do not worry if our fellow workers are paid more than us for doing the same job, or paid the same for doing less. So what – we can all work out our budget to live at an acceptable level. It is not difficult. I myself had a perfectly good existence when I lived on the streets for three weeks so there is not a millionaire alive who needs more. I find it obscene that Portugal requires nine billion to bail themselves out and yet over the years I have met individuals who have that kind of wealth themselves. Why can’t they give it up and be blessed both on this Earth but more importantly in the kingdom of heaven. Personally, and controversially perhaps, I would take it from them in taxation as I do not feel most people are capable of making such decisions themselves. Humans tend to justify things to themselves - even when they know something is for their own good they resist.



Happy Easter – isn’t it warm? God bless all those in pain – don’t worry, it doesn’t last

My Tooth Hurty Appointment

It’s been a funny old week what with one thing and another. It started off with me chipping a tooth causing the resultant jagged edge to play havoc with my tongue. What a blessed relief it was to sit in the dentist’s chair and feel that erstwhile dreaded drill doing its work so that I might again speak and eat in comfort. Oh how we take those simple pleasures for granted.

“Bottom left is it” said my dentist. “Yeah” I replied, thinking what a great insight the man has to my teeth before he even begins his investigation. “And a rinse. There you go all done”. Fantastic ! I felt a new man after having such a miserable time of late. That is until I left the surgery and seemed to feel the same stiletto piercing of my lingual regions as I opened my gob. I convinced myself that it must be the swelling and previous lacerations but was surprised that eating was so painful with my tongue constantly being spiked as I chomped.

I swallowed my pride, and little else I might add, and made another appointment, fearing the offending tooth would require extraction. As I sat in the chair and opened my mouth to scream Aghhhhhh I thought I’d help this time by placing my finger on the offending jagged edge to explain the problem. “Oh” said the dentist. “That tooth – I’ve been drilling in another place”.

I’d been a victim of the classic wrong tooth gag. It was hardly as serious as the wrong limb being amputated, or being given a wrong fatal diagnosis, but strangely upsetting nonetheless. The relief of feeling whole again more than made up for any feelings of annoyance. In fact I rather thought it was very funny as the dentist tried to reassure me that the tooth he drilled was definitely in need of pruning!

And then I received my six-monthly wages from my publisher. What a bizarre job I have that I get paid twice a year and never have a clue how much it is likely to be, if anything at all. The simple truth is that most authors do not earn royalties from their books. They are paid an advance and in most cases the resultant sales are not sufficient to exceed the money already paid. I know this to be true from the trade mags, stats, and my friends within the industry, some of which have never earnt a royalty in their lives. How lucky and spoilt have I been then that for ten years my books have not only always earnt royalties but have in fact clawed back the advance paid at first statement. I am always amazed that after ten years of being in the shops my A to Z of Everything is as popular now as it was when I was first told it was “flying off the shelves” in 2001. Perhaps it is the hours I put in or just plain luck but whatever it is I am truly humbled by the response the book has generated. How fortunate am I to have a job where I am told I am doing OK by my fellow humans. It wasn’t always the case for me as an accountant. Of the thousands of letters, email and phone calls received I can’t remember a solitary negative one. Of course I am used to the stock letter that tells me how wonderful the book is but then goes on to point out an error on page 1192 but these have become an invaluable aid to ensure greater accuracy next time around. If I never sold another book I would still praise the Lord for my good fortune.

And then in the knowledge that I can eat for the next six months I decided to watch some TV for a change. This was definitely a treat as I have been working up to 20 hour days since November desperately trying to complete my latest work the A to Z of Popular Culture. I have given up my cycling, television, and I’m full of shame to say even some church commitments in order to put closure on seven years of research. The work is now complete and yet I have not yet sent it to a publisher as I am forever tweaking and editing as I tend to be the ultimate perfectionist and every time I read a section I feel I can improve it. Anyway, flicking through the channels I came across a show where two celebrities were in various stages of suing the press for defamation, one of which was Lembit Opik, the former MP for Montgomeryshire, who has single-handedly done for politics what Psycho did for shower curtains. It really was hilarious when his solicitor took his case to a barrister in the hope of representation and the barrister rather apologetically suggested that the comments in The Times might be considered ‘fair comment’.

Now Limp Bizkit is a very affable chap, definitely the type of man I’d have a pint with, if I were so disposed. He didn’t go to the extremes as some of his friends at fiddling his expenses although £2,500 for a plasma TV and the expectation of reimbursement for a £40 fine for council tax evasion was probably pushing things a little. Even taking Sian Lloyds caustic criticism of his womanising and excessive drinking with a pinch of salt as the rantings of an ex-lover, Mr Cheeky boy does write for the Daily Sport and does earn a living as a stand-up comedian. Noble occupations one might consider but, and it is a big but, if someone has serious aspirations to become the sort of person that one would trust to make policy that will effect up to 60 million people in this country and many more globally, then perhaps their private life should be tempered with a little more sprinkling of gravitas. I’m all for character and personality and truth and honesty and I feel Limpet has all these traits, albeit in very unequal and dysfunctional proportions.

Unfortunately, I missed the last few minutes because my Sky + box packed up and so I don’t know how his case turned out but I fear it was doomed. I think the good people of Wales merely said to themselves Ecce Homo – or maybe ‘ecky thump - but I doubt if anything they read in The Times served to influence greatly. I see people like Lampost at every Labour Party meeting I attend - Good-natured and good-intentioned but unfortunately lacking ability, drive, experience, nous, gravitas, judgement, intelligence, craft and wit. Isn’t it a great world where the likes of Tracy Emin can become an artist although she cannot paint? Or the likes of Lambpit Opec can become a politician although he cannot be taken seriously. I truly believe it is marvellous but let’s have some perspective here. Ask Nigel Havers if he had any preconceived ideas about the Liberal MP before he met him in the jungle. Nigel knows more than a little about British politics of course, and yet he found it truly frightening that this man was allowed out on his own and in charge of sharp instruments let alone representing thousands of people in parliament!

Incidentally, I’ve been given a date of 5th April for the Sky engineers to fix my box. Yet another £65 call-out on a box that has never worked properly since installed in September 2009, but 5th April!! I pay £58 per month for their service, or lack of it, and you can’t even get terrestrial TV anymore since they decided to drop it a couple of years ago. I remember being a child in the 1960s and mum calling out the TV repair man on our rented set. They would always come out same day or give you a new set, nowadays they keep you waiting a week and charge you into the bargain. As long as they don’t expect to charge me the full monthly rental next month for a service they are not supplying. So I’m going to miss the Cricket World Cup final on Saturday. I wonder if Lumpit would invite me around to watch it with him?

STOP PRESS - I was subsequently fortunate to find a local TV repair man, Dave Farr, who repaired my damaged box, only charged me £40 and enabled me to watch India play Sri Lanka this coming Saturday. There is a moral there somewhere but the bottom line is that SKY after sales service is non-existent and shame on them

Sporting Observations

Well at last England were put out of their misery in the cricket World Cup – and how!

I’ve spoken to a lot of people lately who think the world is going through the inevitable stages of Armageddon, what with earthquakes, tsunamis, demonstrations, uprisings and now sporting meltdown, it certainly looks like something is going on.

Andy Murray hasn’t won a set since being beaten by Djokovic in the final of the Australian Open in January and Ireland beat England in a World Cup group match in Bangalore in the most improbable fashion possible. It wasn’t the victory that was so remarkable, as my mother country tends to always raise its game against England at any sport (just ask rugby fans), but Ireland actually required 168 runs from the last 20 overs with only five wickets remaining. Now in a Twenty20 match with all wickets intact that would be improbable, with only four lower order batsmen to come in the task was impossible…….and yet!

Today was embarrassing. To see Trott literally trotting around as if he were playing in a five-day Test match, knocking the ball around lazily for singles. The selectors haven’t got a brain cell between them in my opinion. I remember the days when the great Surrey batsman Ken Barrington was dropped from the Test side after scoring too slowly in a previous match, although he was the top scorer. Now Ken was not a slow scorer by any means. He was known for his trademark six-hitting when approaching his century.

To those defenders who might argue that Trott is currently the top scorer in the World Cup I would say one thing. OF COURSE HE IS NO TEAM WANTS TO GET HIM OUT. And Strauss gives the same post-match talk every time. He clearly feels as though England can justify their mediocrity in the one day game as long as they are not totally humbled. Well today they lost by 10 wickets and their lack of spirit was there for the world to see. Yes they won the Ashes because the selfish players such as Trott, who refuse to risk giving their wicket away cheaply, come into their own. In the one day game he is a liability and always will be by dint of his nature. For the same reason another South African import Kevin Pietersen is not the great one day player he could be. Kevin often scores quicker in Test Matches than he does in the one-dayers. This is basically because he is a natural stroke-maker and is given more freedom in the Test arena where bowlers are not so intensely guarding every run. In the one-day game he gets bogged down and frustrated when he cannot score at his optimum four or five an over. Contrast this with Morgan, Bell and Collingwood who irrespective of form always have a go and play the game to give the team the best possible chance. England won the Twenty20 World Cup for one reason. They really didn’t care less about the results as they believe it is a second rate competition anyway. There is a large element of luck to it and they played freely in the knowledge that the stats are separate from their Test or One-day tallies. A 50 over match is an extension of Twenty20 and yet England have always played when batting first as if they have the best bowling attack in the world. All I’ll say is this. Please do not ever play Trott again in one-day cricket but keep him for Test matches where his Boycottish attitude will be a positive boon rather than the hindrance it has become in limited over matches. Please do not inflict him on us unsuspecting fans who wish to live in our fantasy world that England can play poritive cricket throughout a match. And before anyone says well his scoring rate is not the worst in our side all I’ll say is it is all about momentum (that word that is always bandied around in all sport nowadays) and his methodical style and general languidity and lack of urgency is detrimental to team spirit as one always feels as though he is the ‘new’ batsman in any partnership and this puts pressure on them. Would we have rather of seen England possibly bowled out for 160 today in 30 overs by having a go or scoring 229 in 50 overs knowing we require a heap of luck. Well England have chosen the second course of action all the way through this competition and so it was inevitably doomed to failure. Ross Taylor might struggle to get in the England Test team but the New Zealander has played some memorable knocks for his country and also in the IPL where he is more valuable than any English player. I rest my case. We need at least two more Morgans, a decent fast bowler and a truly positive captain not someone who has been on a media course of how to say the right things.

While on the subject of sport can I just say how horrified I was by the way an element of the crowd pelted Adrian Lewis with beer and coins during his Premier League darts match against Gary Anderson at the SECC in Glasgow. Admittedly Anderson did himself no favours by talking up the match for months beforehand, almost inciting the crowd to this sort of behaviour - but he himself was clearly shocked by the level of abuse and lost 8-3 in a match that was totally ruined as a spectacle. For goodness sake Lewis is a world champion sportsman not an aunt sally!

While I am on my sporting soap box may I finally mention one of the most interesting human studies in sport - tribal warfare. How is that a snooker player will call his own fouls whilst in football a player will dive in the box to gain a penalty or pretend he has been virtually assassinated in order to gain a free kick or get a player sent off. Is it something endemic in the type of people that play these sports. Of course it isn’t. It is all about acceptable behaviour, trends and conventions. In the old days cricketers walked. Nowadays you are either a walker or you are not. Neither one nor the other is particularly frowned upon or embraced. It is a fact of the modern game that famous walkers such as the great Australian Adam Gilchrist are sometimes pilloried in the dressing room by not being more team conscious in their honesty. And some of the catches claimed nowadays defy belief. It is as if the fielders forget there are a half a dozen cameras on them. In my opinion what has happened is this. Sportspeople like to reflect their glory quite often. It shows appreciation and modesty when all the world can see with their own eyes that they are the talent. In team sports an athlete can justify cheating to themselves as it is to put one over on the opposing army. In individual sports you will be a lonely forlorn figure if cheating is perceived as merely helping your own cause. For this reason I say we should bring cameras into play for all major football matches as the game is far too big to be left to the military minds of the teams. Look at England in the last World Cup. Useless – yes – but cheated most certainly. A simple ten second glance at a replay would have told the ref that he was wrong. I’m fed up with seeing po-faced managers denigrating highly trained referees when the poor blighters haven’t got a chance of handling the sort of pressure they are under. In cricket it has been a positive boon and quite often the most interesting part of the game. Bring it on FA. And Andy – start practicing on grass NOW – you can win Wimbledon and become a sporting god for evermore.

Keith Scott Can Cure Your Frozen Shoulder

Almost a year ago I began to develop symptoms of adhesive capsulitis, more commonly known as frozen shoulder.

It started as a pain in my right arm which I thought was brought on by a heavy fall on the ice whilst out cycling with my local Crawley Wheelers. Gradually I found myself unable to close my car door, take off my clothes overhead, sleep on my right side, put my hand on my hip or ride my bike without severe pain. I had some sessions with my private physio, who diagnosed it as a rotator cuff problem, but this did not help. I then saw every quack under the sun but was still being kept awake most nights with the pain. I joined the local gym but immediately realised I not only couldn't even lift the bare bar I couldn't even get myself under the bar or use any of the apparatus at all. I next visited my GP who sent me to the local hospital for physio and I was almost instantly diagnosed as having classic symptoms of frozen shoulder, unusual for a healthy person like myself as most sufferers tend to be diabetic. The hospital has a set routine but as my shoulder was severe there was little they could do. I tried injections and manipulation but my shoulder remained stiff. The hospital could not give me hands-on physio as they felt it was too painful so I was signed off in September and told that nature would have to take its course which could be a couple of years on average.

I then scoured the internet and wasted more money on Bowen Therapy and acupressure before coming across a man named Keith Scott who promised he could cure a frozen shoulder in 12 weeks. I started his course, which is sent in weekly online modules and I must admit I was fortunate in having all the required apparatus at my local gym. The guy was so positive I was full of hope and each week, each day in fact, I felt a little bit stronger and confident about pushing back the boundaries. I couldn't walk my hand anywhere near the top of the door jamb in week 1 but a few short weeks later I had this one cracked and my overhead mobility began to come back. This period is called the thaw. I'm now at week 12 and for all intents and purposes I am cured. I can reach up over my head and yesterday I weight trained for the first time and managed to bench press 10 x 70 kg and chin the bar for the first time in over a year. A month ago I still couldn't lift the 20kg bar or support my own weight and when I tried a bent arm row my right side went up at the shoulder in a quasimodo-type position.

The only thing I cannot do is stand flat with my back against the wall and raise my arms up but I am wondering if I could ever do that anyway as my best training exercise has always been curls and when I was able to chin the bar 64 times in a minute this could only be achived underarm and I always struggled with behind the neck pressing, many a time pulling the weight down on top of my head. This tells me that I probably had this weakness for many years and may even have been this that caused the frozen shoulder. I intend to work on this solidly to prevent it returning but I am pleased to say that Keith Scott's course either cured or advanced my recovery and would have saved me an awful lot of money if I had sought him out earlier.

I hope this endorsement helps any fellow sufferers. It is a nasty condition but I promise you it is very curable with a progressive program, I can now put my arm behind my back and even sleep on my right side. I am virtually pain free and the aching I presently feel is probably because I am working the shoulder fiercely, impatient person that I am.

BBC Eggheads Came to Croydon

Sometimes you feel there are defining moments in your life, pivotal times when your hopes and aspirations have the propensity to be dashed beyond recall and only God’s grace can save the day – last evening was such an occasion.

To satisfy the module requirements of the Diploma in IT, a new schools initiative which combines A-Level theory with real world practice, seven local students from Archbishop Tenison school had spent most of the Autumn school term meticulously planning a quiz night at the Croydon Park Hotel in aid of Children in Crisis and the local Purley Cross Centre.

Being an old family friend through church of Ruth Benjamin, the school’s diploma line lead, I was recruited as part of the steering committee and during our first meeting Miss Benjamin suggested the idea of a quiz event and I subsequently had the idea of getting the famous BBC Eggheads on board. We had no idea what a journey it would be - especially for the kids - gaining many wonderful experiences (spiritual as well as physical) along the way. Miss Benjamin wrote one of the schemes of work for a Diploma practical (enterprise, team work and event management) unit which includes all the things we did along the way. The IT used was significant and the business skills developed quite amazing for 16-year-old children - children who I witnessed growth into young adulthood as the weeks went by.

After several planning meetings at the school over the course of the past few months we felt we had catered for all eventualities and there was a real buzz of excitement as D-Day approached. What could possibly go wrong? The Magnificent Seven and their equally splendid IT teachers, Ruth and Miss Preya Syal, had managed to sell a room full of tables, persuade me to front the event and also book (free of charge) the famous BBC Egghead team as the guests of honours. Lucy Porter, the events organiser for Children In Crisis, had gifted us some spectacular raffle prizes and we also had a damned good quiz using some intricate powerpoint technology in line with the course description.

HOWEVER, to quote Robert Burns (one of the answers in the quiz) the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry – and who would have thought that Wednesday 1st December 2010 would experience the worst weather conditions ever seen on the first day of December in living memory!

On the morning of the event the Seven and their teachers arrived at the hotel bright and early to make their final preparations and were immediately hit with the bombshell that Daphne Fowler could simply not get out of Weston-super-Mare due to heavy snow falls and so now we were an Egghead down and morale was definitely low. Everything was set and in place. The tables were laid out immaculately and the raffle prizes filled a whole room. Grahame Harding, the co-founder of CiC had kindly donated a night at the famous London Ritz for two people; the Duchess of York, Grahame’s co-founder, had donated two brand new Dolce and Gabbana dresses from her own collection; there were golfing breaks and paintball experiences; solid silver bracelets, Egghead memorabilia (including one of CJ’s more colourful shirts worn on the show), books signed by myself, William Hartston (the former British chess champion who now writes for the Express in the guise of Beachcomber) and Paul Donnelley, a very well respected reference book writer of numerous trivia books - and too many more great prizes to list here.

Reports came through about the worsening conditions. I set out from my Crawley home mid morning and arrived at the venue just after 1pm and as I left my car who should I see walking towards the hotel but my dear old friend Chris Hughes. My spirits are always lifted when I see Chris and more so on this occasion when I considered that he had managed to travel down from Crewe that morning. Chris and I settled down in the bar area with Andrew Tringham, the head of IT at Tenison’s, while awaiting Chris’s room to be availed and although news began to filter through of a table cancellation due to the ever-worsening weather, we were again heartened when Kev Ashman wandered in after having an horrendous journey from Paris causing him to miss a crucial match in the Quiz League of London the night before.

News of two more table cancellations came through before the earlier than expected arrival of Mr CJ De Mooi looking as fresh-faced and vibrant as ever. CJ had cut short some filming to accommodate the students and had driven from Wales in blissful ignorance of the severe weather in the south east region. When I spoke with him the night before he was full of cold and with a three-month-solid schedule ahead beginning next week with panto rehearsals for his starring role as the all-knowing Emperor in Aladdin at the Princes Theatre, Clacton-on-Sea, and ending with some film work in New York, I didn’t think it prudent to discuss the weather – very un-British of us!

Pat Gibson arrived next – he had travelled down from Wigan and although it was difficult for him to find a train running south initially, he eventually had a fairly uneventful journey. Pat and I chilled for a while in his room as I had not seen much of him since his extraordinary run of quiz successes in recent years culminating in him becoming the first legitimate claimant to Kevin’s crown as the world’s best quiz player. Pat won this year’s world quizzing championship by a staggering eleven points and to use a snooker analogy is catching Kev in the same way that Ronnie O’Sullivan is eating away at Stephen Hendry’s record tally of century breaks.
Although I have been close friends with Kev for many years and love and respect him like a brother I think it is probably healthy that he no longer dominates the world of quiz in the fashion he once did and if anyone was ever going to rival him I must admit I am over the moon it is an Irish man – so no more Irish jokes please!

So now we were all feeling slightly more relieved that at least 80 per cent of the ‘talent’ had arrived and Barry had messaged through that although he had managed to make the trek from Leeds he was running late and would not be arriving until approximately 6pm, which was cutting things fine.

We were all a little panicky at this point as John Ruskin College, Norbury Manor School, and Croydon College, all wonderful institutions that pioneer vocational learning and prioritise enterprise and dynamic learning, and all of which had bought and paid for tables, were forced to abandon ship as the roads were hardly navigable by now. I know the students and organisers were grateful for their support and I’m sure there will be mutual support of any upcoming collaborative events. A huge thank you to them for supporting this important event and I’m so sorry they couldn't be there!

I know it seems bizarre that the Eggheads managed to make the trek from all parts of the country whilst locals in Croydon struggled but in severe weather conditions the most difficult part of your journey is often escaping the street where you live.

Only three tables had actually confirmed at this juncture and as the meals were all pre-booked the ever-ingenious team were conjuring up all sorts of contingency ideas. The hotel would not let us approach their guests however and there just wasn’t anyone around on the streets we could usher in to offer a free meal, although I understand Andrew Tringham managed to coerce a family member or two along – good man!

Grahame Harding arrived now with his delightful partner, Paula. It was an absolute joy to see them as they are the kind of people that go about their business in a very unassuming manner forever doing good deeds and yet are at the very top of their profession, hence unbelievably busy and focused. Grahame’s company First City Care is responsible for the security of the Bank of England and he himself was responsible for the security of Diana, Princess of Wales in the latter part of her life. I know the children and staff would like to thank Grahame for his very generous raffle gift of a night at the Ritz for two and also for his and Paula's general support.

By now there was no more time for contingencies as 6.30 approached and the reception was due to begin and there was still no sign of Barry Simmons. I now did what I always do before any situation where I feel helpless and a little apprehensive – I prayed. Not that I hadn’t been praying in church prior to the event and indeed on several occasions during the day but this was just my little special prayer to ask God to take away any glory that might be inadvertently directed towards me as the front man as I was only too aware that my input was negligible in comparison to Ruth and Preya’s and totally insignificant compared to the efforts of Alice, Alistair, Geewai, Matt, Omar, Roddard and Tevin, my Magnificent Seven.

And so we began. It was lovely to meet some old friends. The lovely beaming smile of Anusha Shah was the first familiar sight. A friend of both myself and Miss Benjamin's, ‘Nushi’, as she will always be to me, was part of a Jacob’s Engineer’s team and she herself was the youngest ever and first female Chair of the Institute of Civil Engineers and has done a lot to support education in recent months. I had already spoken to Bill Hartston earlier but we exchanged a few words now. Bill was a huge star in the world of chess in bygone days and had a very popular television series introducing chess for beginners. Bill is the radical thinking Beachcomber in the Daily Express and his latest project of developing his Wakkipedia website has already proven popular with the school students. Although Bill was an old friend I first met at the Mind Sports Olympiads over a decade ago, Paul Donnelley was someone I only knew through our mutual friend, the late great Jeremy Beadle and it was a delight to meet the man that Jeremy ranked so highly in the world of reference books. My final words were in the company of Chris Hughes and Miss Benjamin’s parents, Chris and Monica before I took the short walk into the hall to ask everyone to take their seats.

Now was the moment of truth as I did a Brian Hanrahan and counted them all out as they entered the room. Once I had counted one hundred I breathed a sigh of relief. The weather that had done its best to defeat us, had lost.

I introduced the Eggheads individually and before introducing CJ I told the story of how the Eggheads came about as a result of a project called the Dream Team that I took part in the year before the series started. I remarked that when they were looking to replace me for the Eggheads gig the producers were looking for another multiple quiz show champion who was a member of Mensa and also incredibly good looking and I suggested as this was impossible they were forced to settle for CJ. Although this received the ironic laughter I had planned the truth is of course CJ is a member of Mensa and a multiple quiz show champion like myself and I have to very reluctantly admit that some might find him a little more aesthetically pleasing on the eye than myself - but please don’t tell him so.

At this point I was informed that Barry was waiting in the wings and so a hurried introduction as the winner of the 2008 series of Are You An Egghead? was made followed by the observation that as Barry had danced with Diana Ross and alongside Princess Anne in the past perhaps we might catch him on ‘Strictly’ next year! Anyone working on the show take note!

Before commencement of the quiz Roddard gave a short inspirational speech and then CJ, who really was most helpful throughout the evening, and at this point the worst nightmare of an MC occurred, the microphones began to die creating that all too familar Norman Collier staccato sound where only every other word is heard - which can be tricky when asking quiz questions. Jeremy Beadle had always taught me to check the mikes before the event and I used to take considerable time in doing so for him but I'm fairly sure the problem was with the direction of the two speakers and the raised platform in between them creating a feedback effect. However we soldiered on manfully, refusing to let this diminish the proceedings in any way and a great time was had by all.

The Eggheads were briefly headed by Harding’s Heroes after Round 2 but by the end of proceedings normal service was resumed although the last Wipeout round meant the Heroes, who won the main quiz proper, could have defeated the Eggheads with a full house but alas took one chance too many and blew out at the final hurdle.

There are so many people to thank for ensuring the evening was such a splendid success, not least of which are the seven children who worked so tirelessly all evening to supply my every demand and producing facts and figures as if by magic. In alphabetical order the Seven are: Alice who did the entire design for the raffles, all the packing, organisation, selling, lifted spirits, maintained order with the boys, didn't sit down for a second, worked so hard and had to leave early so received no on-night praise. Alice is quiet, consistent, reliable and positive. Alistair is a technical genius. He created a number of templates from flyer to quiz PowerPoint better than many professionals could ever hope to do. He integrated the music with PowerPoint, ran the entire quiz at the helm, flawlessly, didn't even stop to eat (stuffed a sandwich down his throat during the main meal) and is one of the most talented IT people on the planet! Geewai did the entire scoring spreadsheet system that worked beautifully, transferred scores precisely and meticulously. He is a mathematician, is persistent - he got Centrale on board for sponsorship - and modest. Matt is confident, calm, positive and organised. He drew up the guest lists, liaising with hotel staff, organised the tables, rooms, music, and sorted out all the technicalities. He was always willing to do anything, is helpful and always cheery. Omar is an excellent communicator. He gave a moving speech at half time, and is generally dogged and determined. He is a good motivator, positive, hard working and inspirational. Rodard gave a great opening speech. He was the lead negotiator, organiser, motivator, communicator and sales person. He exudes an air of calm authority and is very mature for his young years. Rodard made such an impressive pitch to a company (during a sales round) that he was offered a part-time job (which he took!) The company staff apparently booked a table but were unable to make it due to the snow unfortunately. I even spied Rodard selling raffle tickets on the night. Tevin lifted people's spirits on the evening. He is a creative wonder and created the promo video that was better than any professional promos I’ve seen and even Lucy at CiC admitted he produced something that she would find difficult to match. Tevin produced a lot of the technical stuff for the quiz and spent many hours downloading music and clipping them for integration. He worked tirelessly.

Another integral part of the team was Ms Mary Dalman who offered great support in the last week when numbers *due to snow threats* were dwindling. Mary checked the quiz, proofed it, prepared contingency plan when four tables cancelled, did the scoring, marking and didn't stop all evening and was completely invaluable and amazing. I had total confidence in her ability and I can tell you, having undertaken marking duties myself in years gone by, it is one of the most demanding jobs of all as the time pressure is enormous. Miss Preya Syal worked tirelessly all evening - walking for miles to get there from Sanderstead in the first place- and ensuring every detail was being looked after - from speeches to raffles - to collecting money and scoring. Ruth and Preya compliment each other so well and the children are very fortunate in having two such dedicated and innovative IT teachers. Wendy Nodding and Pam Bryan from Purley Cross Centre worked closely with the students and encouraged and supported them from start to finish. Although our paths never crossed during the run-up to the big day I had met them both several years ago when I attended my first Alpha Course at their church. What a small world it is. I’m very pleased to say that Pam won the Night at the Ritz – yippee. Robin Walker is the Croydon TV director. I arranged a meeting with him at his South Norwood offices prior to the event and was most impressed with his set-up. The small but very functional recording studio annexing the office was particularly impressive and was complete with travelling matte, probably better known to most of you as a 'blue screen' although if memory serves me Robin's back drop screen which can create almost any image you desire, was green. Robin is keen to encourage enterprise and collaboration between schools and schools and businesses. Robin gave a short talk on the evening and I must apologise on behalf of the hotel for his microphone dying on him midway through his speech. Of course we can watch back their edit of the night on Croydon TV when it is out and hopefully some of the mike problems will be magically eradicated. Jim Parrish is head of sixth form and gave a short conclusion at the end. Good to have him there and supporting his talented sixth formers. Joy Langley the Deputy Head Mistress who walked for miles to the venue, generally supported and even made phonecalls herself at the last minute in an effort to retrieve the situation when we had four tables cancel in rapid succession! Miss Langley motivated staff and students all the way through and was ever present. So important I feel for members of Senior Leadership to support students in innovation and enterprise - and this was done magnificently.

I understand the headmaster himself was stuck in Three Bridges but his support was very much appreciated and being from that neck of the woods myself I can vouch for the fact that conditions were foul to say the least with no buses, trains or planes available in the area.

I’d also like to thank on behalf of the school Alan Potter - Director for Education who was a great example by braving the conditions to support such a wonderful schools initiative. He was on a table with other Croydon Council employees - notably Paula Dunkley and Mike Smith (consultants in the 14-19 group) who were involved in providing support and inspiration for the Diplomas through 2009-10. Their help was invaluable and again, the fact they were there was amazing.

I know I’ve mentioned Lucy Porter previously but Lucy arrived early and was always encouraging and helpful before during and after the event and had to brave the elements to travel to the Oval immediately after the quiz.

Another lady I have already mentioned in passing but feel I have to give a special thank you to is Ruth Benjamin for being involved in every aspect of the planning of the event, being encouraging, inspirational and hard working well above and beyond the call of duty. This lady, who I know will not thank me for singing her praises (as she sent me an email asking me if I would write a blog on the event but ensure I do not mention her involvement) Ruth has a great relationship with Andrew and Preya and all seven of the students. She spent all of her spare time, and some of her unspare time in generally co-ordinating and was a woman on a mission. I know the children inspired her but I have no doubt she too inspired them.

And of course I must not forget the Eggheads themselves who always made themselves available for photographs and travelled vast differences in ridiculous and obscene conditions (and CJ for one had extreme difficulties getting home after his car had to be towed off the M4 at considerable cost to himself). I know each one of them sacrificed a lot to attend but it is a mark of the importance people like them attach to education that made me know that they would want to be involved. A huge thank you to Chris, Barry, CJ, Pat and Kevin. I hope they all managed to arrive home safely today as they are in the middle of a long winning streak at present : ) It is just a shame we didn’t have more time as Chris was going to entertain us with a song as he is a thrice weekly attendant at his local karaoke (you really don't know half the stuff these megabrains get up to) and I had organised a surprise game of table tennis between Pat Gibson, who was the captain of his university team and Ritchie Venner, the national vets champion who was part of the winning Harding's Heroes team. Having watched Ritchie play on innumerable occasions I had planned to make a killing on the fixed odds betting. It would have been such pleasant payback for all the times Pat pummels him on the Grand Prix circuit.

So that's about it. I'm sure I've forgotten someone but I would just like to add a few words of my own regarding the evening. I have lost count many moons ago at how many quizzes I have hosted and co-hosted with the likes of dear-departed greats such as Jeremy Beadle and Magnus Magnusson. Things have not always gone smoothly even with those class acts and on the only other occasion I personally had microphone problems I was heckled mercilessly and the comedian I had booked for the auction refused to go on and it ended in a near riot. I immediately had flashbacks when the unthinkable occurred but I needn't have worried as every single person in that room was so kind, focused and giving I can honestly say it was the most satisfying evening I have ever experienced in so many respects. To share the evening with old friends who I love and respect was reward enough but to make so many new friends on the night is something I don't usually experience at such gatherings so from a personal point of view I would like to thank all those at Archbishop Tenison who made this an event worthy of its name.

It will be some time before the actual profit margins are worked out as unfortunately there are always overheads involved in such ventures and I would like to thank all those people who decided to forego expenses and made donations from Grahame Harding down to the owner of the local school shop who very kindly donated two bottles of his best Champagne. I shall certainly post the aftermath details as I'm sure the school will on their website

God Bless you all

Trevor cycling a time trial in September after camping trip

As the organisers of the SCCU 25 mile t/t were good enough to send me a pic of me in action on my bike I thought I'd post it.
Having had most of the year off with an infection in the undercarriage and frozen shoulder I had not intended to race this year but had such a great time on a recent camping/cycling holiday in Normandy I thought I'd see if the more leisurely cycling on an old mountain bike would transfer to a sound base for racing...It didn't and I struggled to a time of 65.02, but to be honest it was just great to be cycling again as a consultant had actually advised me to give it all up a few months ago.

The holiday I mention was run by Oak Hall, a Christian gathering based in Otford, Kent.

The great appeal of Normandy is the beautiful countryside and the lovely local architecture, including the ancient half-timbered buildings. The region also oozes history, from Mont Saint Michel to Chateau Gaillard; there is much attractive coastline to explore; and the important sights of the Normandy Landing beaches and the Bayeux tapestry are also very popular with visitors to the area.

I'm not sure if I have ever discussed the difference between happiness and joy but this holiday is one example of this difference. It rained most days, very heavily at times, I had some of my pretty cycling clothes stolen, was bitten mercilessly by some very unchristian mosquitoes and could not sleep for the first three days due to my shoulder problem and draughty tent. And so, although I cannot in all honesty say it was a totally happy experience, and I was sorely tempted to book into a cosy hotel when my tent was flooded, I can say that it was the most joyous holiday I have ever had.

The positives were numerous. The 70 of us all faced the adverse conditions together and I learnt an awful lot about myself and about camararderie, love, freedom and the tenacity and hardiness of my fellow Christians. In short we had tremendous fun in the face of adversity. We started the days with a morning worship and then split into groups to pray. We then cycled daily to some lovely French towns, Caen being my favourite with its beautiful fine arts gallery and splendid museum. The terrain was sometimes challenging even for an experienced rider and we did have one or two accidents along the way - but no tears. We ate well and every evening we had a bible study given by Paul, our leader, with the help of his very expressive wife Lizzie, and several other Oak Hallers. We sometimes played games afterwards or sometimes played one of the two guitars available. One night a few of us partook of the local Calvados and that was the first night I slept well!

I have so many great memories, one or two of which are highly embarrassing.

We were given locks for our hired bikes and were told to look after them and not to lose them - cue moi - after eating at the beautiful village of Beauvron we walked back to our bikes only for me to find I had mislaid my key and was unable to unlock my bicycle. Why me Lord? Fortunately Lizzie was not too far away in her car so it was a quick drive back to camp for the wire-cutters and then back to Beauvron to liberate my trusty steed. The car journey was great fun although I wondered if I had upset Lizzie at one point when mentioning (just after she had taken a corner at high speed) that my favourite Gospel song was Jesus Take The Wheel (about a girl who was just about to have a car accident after driving too fast). This was a coincidence I assure you - or was it a subliminal kneejerk reaction! Anyways I was offered a lift back to camp but decided to cycle back and there is no better way to learn local routes than to get yourself lost - and I did both - but arrived back safely in time for tea.......just.

The other misfortune that befell me was prompted by good intentions. The whole camp was suffering from damp clothes so I offered to spend an evening drying clothes in a not-so-hot spin dryer. It was a most enjoyable evening and Christine, my young sister-in-arms, taught me more about the subject of horses than I would ever need in any form of quiz while we were waiting for each 45 minute cycle to end. I eventually ran out of tokens so went back the next morning with the last two loads, mine and Heather's. Helen, the receptionist offered to do the dry for me and duly did so but when I returned after the day's cycle ride the clothes were all gone! Oh dear!

Paul and Lizzie are wonderful hosts - Paul is such an interesting guy - a disaster in every day life, quite clumsy and even a little gauche in some ways but when he is filled with the Spirit and starts preaching his words are inspirational and devout. I love him. Lizzie is equally eccentric in a different way. Her words of wisdom are very lyrical and delivered in a staccato fashion with hand gestures reminiscent of a trolley dolly. It is a beautful and contagious delivery we were all aping by the end of the week.

The other team members, James, Peter, Jennie (inspirational testimony), Rob, Chris (not forgetting his brother naughty Adam) and Matt (the demon cyclist who won the penultimate day time trial and generally ensured our bikes were in good working order and mapped our routes) were fantastic too. They introduced me to the joys of Irish Snap and Signs (which at one point almost turned me into a blubbering wreck) and generally allayed any misconceptions that Christians were boring.

Of course it was impossible to bond with all 69 fellow campers but I have great memories of my tent-mate Raymond (a lay preacher), Mark and David (two very gifted musicians), two Christines, two Rachaels, two Kens, Kathryn (soon to re-enact Gorillas in the Mist), Catriona and her tent-mate Hana (managed to get barred from a local restaurant), Ruth (my friend who entertained with her beautiful voice and guitar-playing as well as generally lifting spirits), Giedre (nasty accident on the final day but continued to smile), Niomh (voice of an angel), Rhys (a history teacher who actually loves history and takes part in re-enactments), Kim and Laura (my quiz team-mates who had the wherewithall to choose me for their team and then proceeded to get all the answers themselves), Niall, Olga, Debbie, Tom (a fine young man who knew no-one at the outset but seemed to be part of the team by day 2), Daniel (a club cyclist like myself who was very shaken all week as he had a nasty fall during a 100 mile t/t the week before, his girlfriend Heather (she whose clothes I managed to lose), Luke and his younger brother, and a white-haired gentleman who sat behind me on the coach and who always had a kind word to say about my eclectic choice of headgear (I never did find out his name and as I liked him so much I was too embarrassed to ask - not like me at all!). I have probably left out several other people I engaged with but my memory isn't what it was, suffice to say I loved them all.

Proof of the Holy Spirit abounded and on one evening I swear a miracle occurred. After going out to eat on our final evening Ruth, Catriona, Hana, Kathryn, Ken and myself arrived back at camp rather late and the gate was locked, Five of us managed to leg it over the top but Ken was having some problems due to his attire but just as all seemed lost the gate mysteriously flew open!

OK so it wasn't the feeding of the five thousand but I tell you - the hot chocolate sump never ran dry : ) Praise the Lord and God bless all those good people above and all those my errant memory has served to forget.