BBC Eggheads Came to Croydon

Sometimes you feel there are defining moments in your life, pivotal times when your hopes and aspirations have the propensity to be dashed beyond recall and only God’s grace can save the day – last evening was such an occasion.

To satisfy the module requirements of the Diploma in IT, a new schools initiative which combines A-Level theory with real world practice, seven local students from Archbishop Tenison school had spent most of the Autumn school term meticulously planning a quiz night at the Croydon Park Hotel in aid of Children in Crisis and the local Purley Cross Centre.

Being an old family friend through church of Ruth Benjamin, the school’s diploma line lead, I was recruited as part of the steering committee and during our first meeting Miss Benjamin suggested the idea of a quiz event and I subsequently had the idea of getting the famous BBC Eggheads on board. We had no idea what a journey it would be - especially for the kids - gaining many wonderful experiences (spiritual as well as physical) along the way. Miss Benjamin wrote one of the schemes of work for a Diploma practical (enterprise, team work and event management) unit which includes all the things we did along the way. The IT used was significant and the business skills developed quite amazing for 16-year-old children - children who I witnessed growth into young adulthood as the weeks went by.

After several planning meetings at the school over the course of the past few months we felt we had catered for all eventualities and there was a real buzz of excitement as D-Day approached. What could possibly go wrong? The Magnificent Seven and their equally splendid IT teachers, Ruth and Miss Preya Syal, had managed to sell a room full of tables, persuade me to front the event and also book (free of charge) the famous BBC Egghead team as the guests of honours. Lucy Porter, the events organiser for Children In Crisis, had gifted us some spectacular raffle prizes and we also had a damned good quiz using some intricate powerpoint technology in line with the course description.

HOWEVER, to quote Robert Burns (one of the answers in the quiz) the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry – and who would have thought that Wednesday 1st December 2010 would experience the worst weather conditions ever seen on the first day of December in living memory!

On the morning of the event the Seven and their teachers arrived at the hotel bright and early to make their final preparations and were immediately hit with the bombshell that Daphne Fowler could simply not get out of Weston-super-Mare due to heavy snow falls and so now we were an Egghead down and morale was definitely low. Everything was set and in place. The tables were laid out immaculately and the raffle prizes filled a whole room. Grahame Harding, the co-founder of CiC had kindly donated a night at the famous London Ritz for two people; the Duchess of York, Grahame’s co-founder, had donated two brand new Dolce and Gabbana dresses from her own collection; there were golfing breaks and paintball experiences; solid silver bracelets, Egghead memorabilia (including one of CJ’s more colourful shirts worn on the show), books signed by myself, William Hartston (the former British chess champion who now writes for the Express in the guise of Beachcomber) and Paul Donnelley, a very well respected reference book writer of numerous trivia books - and too many more great prizes to list here.

Reports came through about the worsening conditions. I set out from my Crawley home mid morning and arrived at the venue just after 1pm and as I left my car who should I see walking towards the hotel but my dear old friend Chris Hughes. My spirits are always lifted when I see Chris and more so on this occasion when I considered that he had managed to travel down from Crewe that morning. Chris and I settled down in the bar area with Andrew Tringham, the head of IT at Tenison’s, while awaiting Chris’s room to be availed and although news began to filter through of a table cancellation due to the ever-worsening weather, we were again heartened when Kev Ashman wandered in after having an horrendous journey from Paris causing him to miss a crucial match in the Quiz League of London the night before.

News of two more table cancellations came through before the earlier than expected arrival of Mr CJ De Mooi looking as fresh-faced and vibrant as ever. CJ had cut short some filming to accommodate the students and had driven from Wales in blissful ignorance of the severe weather in the south east region. When I spoke with him the night before he was full of cold and with a three-month-solid schedule ahead beginning next week with panto rehearsals for his starring role as the all-knowing Emperor in Aladdin at the Princes Theatre, Clacton-on-Sea, and ending with some film work in New York, I didn’t think it prudent to discuss the weather – very un-British of us!

Pat Gibson arrived next – he had travelled down from Wigan and although it was difficult for him to find a train running south initially, he eventually had a fairly uneventful journey. Pat and I chilled for a while in his room as I had not seen much of him since his extraordinary run of quiz successes in recent years culminating in him becoming the first legitimate claimant to Kevin’s crown as the world’s best quiz player. Pat won this year’s world quizzing championship by a staggering eleven points and to use a snooker analogy is catching Kev in the same way that Ronnie O’Sullivan is eating away at Stephen Hendry’s record tally of century breaks.
Although I have been close friends with Kev for many years and love and respect him like a brother I think it is probably healthy that he no longer dominates the world of quiz in the fashion he once did and if anyone was ever going to rival him I must admit I am over the moon it is an Irish man – so no more Irish jokes please!

So now we were all feeling slightly more relieved that at least 80 per cent of the ‘talent’ had arrived and Barry had messaged through that although he had managed to make the trek from Leeds he was running late and would not be arriving until approximately 6pm, which was cutting things fine.

We were all a little panicky at this point as John Ruskin College, Norbury Manor School, and Croydon College, all wonderful institutions that pioneer vocational learning and prioritise enterprise and dynamic learning, and all of which had bought and paid for tables, were forced to abandon ship as the roads were hardly navigable by now. I know the students and organisers were grateful for their support and I’m sure there will be mutual support of any upcoming collaborative events. A huge thank you to them for supporting this important event and I’m so sorry they couldn't be there!

I know it seems bizarre that the Eggheads managed to make the trek from all parts of the country whilst locals in Croydon struggled but in severe weather conditions the most difficult part of your journey is often escaping the street where you live.

Only three tables had actually confirmed at this juncture and as the meals were all pre-booked the ever-ingenious team were conjuring up all sorts of contingency ideas. The hotel would not let us approach their guests however and there just wasn’t anyone around on the streets we could usher in to offer a free meal, although I understand Andrew Tringham managed to coerce a family member or two along – good man!

Grahame Harding arrived now with his delightful partner, Paula. It was an absolute joy to see them as they are the kind of people that go about their business in a very unassuming manner forever doing good deeds and yet are at the very top of their profession, hence unbelievably busy and focused. Grahame’s company First City Care is responsible for the security of the Bank of England and he himself was responsible for the security of Diana, Princess of Wales in the latter part of her life. I know the children and staff would like to thank Grahame for his very generous raffle gift of a night at the Ritz for two and also for his and Paula's general support.

By now there was no more time for contingencies as 6.30 approached and the reception was due to begin and there was still no sign of Barry Simmons. I now did what I always do before any situation where I feel helpless and a little apprehensive – I prayed. Not that I hadn’t been praying in church prior to the event and indeed on several occasions during the day but this was just my little special prayer to ask God to take away any glory that might be inadvertently directed towards me as the front man as I was only too aware that my input was negligible in comparison to Ruth and Preya’s and totally insignificant compared to the efforts of Alice, Alistair, Geewai, Matt, Omar, Roddard and Tevin, my Magnificent Seven.

And so we began. It was lovely to meet some old friends. The lovely beaming smile of Anusha Shah was the first familiar sight. A friend of both myself and Miss Benjamin's, ‘Nushi’, as she will always be to me, was part of a Jacob’s Engineer’s team and she herself was the youngest ever and first female Chair of the Institute of Civil Engineers and has done a lot to support education in recent months. I had already spoken to Bill Hartston earlier but we exchanged a few words now. Bill was a huge star in the world of chess in bygone days and had a very popular television series introducing chess for beginners. Bill is the radical thinking Beachcomber in the Daily Express and his latest project of developing his Wakkipedia website has already proven popular with the school students. Although Bill was an old friend I first met at the Mind Sports Olympiads over a decade ago, Paul Donnelley was someone I only knew through our mutual friend, the late great Jeremy Beadle and it was a delight to meet the man that Jeremy ranked so highly in the world of reference books. My final words were in the company of Chris Hughes and Miss Benjamin’s parents, Chris and Monica before I took the short walk into the hall to ask everyone to take their seats.

Now was the moment of truth as I did a Brian Hanrahan and counted them all out as they entered the room. Once I had counted one hundred I breathed a sigh of relief. The weather that had done its best to defeat us, had lost.

I introduced the Eggheads individually and before introducing CJ I told the story of how the Eggheads came about as a result of a project called the Dream Team that I took part in the year before the series started. I remarked that when they were looking to replace me for the Eggheads gig the producers were looking for another multiple quiz show champion who was a member of Mensa and also incredibly good looking and I suggested as this was impossible they were forced to settle for CJ. Although this received the ironic laughter I had planned the truth is of course CJ is a member of Mensa and a multiple quiz show champion like myself and I have to very reluctantly admit that some might find him a little more aesthetically pleasing on the eye than myself - but please don’t tell him so.

At this point I was informed that Barry was waiting in the wings and so a hurried introduction as the winner of the 2008 series of Are You An Egghead? was made followed by the observation that as Barry had danced with Diana Ross and alongside Princess Anne in the past perhaps we might catch him on ‘Strictly’ next year! Anyone working on the show take note!

Before commencement of the quiz Roddard gave a short inspirational speech and then CJ, who really was most helpful throughout the evening, and at this point the worst nightmare of an MC occurred, the microphones began to die creating that all too familar Norman Collier staccato sound where only every other word is heard - which can be tricky when asking quiz questions. Jeremy Beadle had always taught me to check the mikes before the event and I used to take considerable time in doing so for him but I'm fairly sure the problem was with the direction of the two speakers and the raised platform in between them creating a feedback effect. However we soldiered on manfully, refusing to let this diminish the proceedings in any way and a great time was had by all.

The Eggheads were briefly headed by Harding’s Heroes after Round 2 but by the end of proceedings normal service was resumed although the last Wipeout round meant the Heroes, who won the main quiz proper, could have defeated the Eggheads with a full house but alas took one chance too many and blew out at the final hurdle.

There are so many people to thank for ensuring the evening was such a splendid success, not least of which are the seven children who worked so tirelessly all evening to supply my every demand and producing facts and figures as if by magic. In alphabetical order the Seven are: Alice who did the entire design for the raffles, all the packing, organisation, selling, lifted spirits, maintained order with the boys, didn't sit down for a second, worked so hard and had to leave early so received no on-night praise. Alice is quiet, consistent, reliable and positive. Alistair is a technical genius. He created a number of templates from flyer to quiz PowerPoint better than many professionals could ever hope to do. He integrated the music with PowerPoint, ran the entire quiz at the helm, flawlessly, didn't even stop to eat (stuffed a sandwich down his throat during the main meal) and is one of the most talented IT people on the planet! Geewai did the entire scoring spreadsheet system that worked beautifully, transferred scores precisely and meticulously. He is a mathematician, is persistent - he got Centrale on board for sponsorship - and modest. Matt is confident, calm, positive and organised. He drew up the guest lists, liaising with hotel staff, organised the tables, rooms, music, and sorted out all the technicalities. He was always willing to do anything, is helpful and always cheery. Omar is an excellent communicator. He gave a moving speech at half time, and is generally dogged and determined. He is a good motivator, positive, hard working and inspirational. Rodard gave a great opening speech. He was the lead negotiator, organiser, motivator, communicator and sales person. He exudes an air of calm authority and is very mature for his young years. Rodard made such an impressive pitch to a company (during a sales round) that he was offered a part-time job (which he took!) The company staff apparently booked a table but were unable to make it due to the snow unfortunately. I even spied Rodard selling raffle tickets on the night. Tevin lifted people's spirits on the evening. He is a creative wonder and created the promo video that was better than any professional promos I’ve seen and even Lucy at CiC admitted he produced something that she would find difficult to match. Tevin produced a lot of the technical stuff for the quiz and spent many hours downloading music and clipping them for integration. He worked tirelessly.

Another integral part of the team was Ms Mary Dalman who offered great support in the last week when numbers *due to snow threats* were dwindling. Mary checked the quiz, proofed it, prepared contingency plan when four tables cancelled, did the scoring, marking and didn't stop all evening and was completely invaluable and amazing. I had total confidence in her ability and I can tell you, having undertaken marking duties myself in years gone by, it is one of the most demanding jobs of all as the time pressure is enormous. Miss Preya Syal worked tirelessly all evening - walking for miles to get there from Sanderstead in the first place- and ensuring every detail was being looked after - from speeches to raffles - to collecting money and scoring. Ruth and Preya compliment each other so well and the children are very fortunate in having two such dedicated and innovative IT teachers. Wendy Nodding and Pam Bryan from Purley Cross Centre worked closely with the students and encouraged and supported them from start to finish. Although our paths never crossed during the run-up to the big day I had met them both several years ago when I attended my first Alpha Course at their church. What a small world it is. I’m very pleased to say that Pam won the Night at the Ritz – yippee. Robin Walker is the Croydon TV director. I arranged a meeting with him at his South Norwood offices prior to the event and was most impressed with his set-up. The small but very functional recording studio annexing the office was particularly impressive and was complete with travelling matte, probably better known to most of you as a 'blue screen' although if memory serves me Robin's back drop screen which can create almost any image you desire, was green. Robin is keen to encourage enterprise and collaboration between schools and schools and businesses. Robin gave a short talk on the evening and I must apologise on behalf of the hotel for his microphone dying on him midway through his speech. Of course we can watch back their edit of the night on Croydon TV when it is out and hopefully some of the mike problems will be magically eradicated. Jim Parrish is head of sixth form and gave a short conclusion at the end. Good to have him there and supporting his talented sixth formers. Joy Langley the Deputy Head Mistress who walked for miles to the venue, generally supported and even made phonecalls herself at the last minute in an effort to retrieve the situation when we had four tables cancel in rapid succession! Miss Langley motivated staff and students all the way through and was ever present. So important I feel for members of Senior Leadership to support students in innovation and enterprise - and this was done magnificently.

I understand the headmaster himself was stuck in Three Bridges but his support was very much appreciated and being from that neck of the woods myself I can vouch for the fact that conditions were foul to say the least with no buses, trains or planes available in the area.

I’d also like to thank on behalf of the school Alan Potter - Director for Education who was a great example by braving the conditions to support such a wonderful schools initiative. He was on a table with other Croydon Council employees - notably Paula Dunkley and Mike Smith (consultants in the 14-19 group) who were involved in providing support and inspiration for the Diplomas through 2009-10. Their help was invaluable and again, the fact they were there was amazing.

I know I’ve mentioned Lucy Porter previously but Lucy arrived early and was always encouraging and helpful before during and after the event and had to brave the elements to travel to the Oval immediately after the quiz.

Another lady I have already mentioned in passing but feel I have to give a special thank you to is Ruth Benjamin for being involved in every aspect of the planning of the event, being encouraging, inspirational and hard working well above and beyond the call of duty. This lady, who I know will not thank me for singing her praises (as she sent me an email asking me if I would write a blog on the event but ensure I do not mention her involvement) Ruth has a great relationship with Andrew and Preya and all seven of the students. She spent all of her spare time, and some of her unspare time in generally co-ordinating and was a woman on a mission. I know the children inspired her but I have no doubt she too inspired them.

And of course I must not forget the Eggheads themselves who always made themselves available for photographs and travelled vast differences in ridiculous and obscene conditions (and CJ for one had extreme difficulties getting home after his car had to be towed off the M4 at considerable cost to himself). I know each one of them sacrificed a lot to attend but it is a mark of the importance people like them attach to education that made me know that they would want to be involved. A huge thank you to Chris, Barry, CJ, Pat and Kevin. I hope they all managed to arrive home safely today as they are in the middle of a long winning streak at present : ) It is just a shame we didn’t have more time as Chris was going to entertain us with a song as he is a thrice weekly attendant at his local karaoke (you really don't know half the stuff these megabrains get up to) and I had organised a surprise game of table tennis between Pat Gibson, who was the captain of his university team and Ritchie Venner, the national vets champion who was part of the winning Harding's Heroes team. Having watched Ritchie play on innumerable occasions I had planned to make a killing on the fixed odds betting. It would have been such pleasant payback for all the times Pat pummels him on the Grand Prix circuit.

So that's about it. I'm sure I've forgotten someone but I would just like to add a few words of my own regarding the evening. I have lost count many moons ago at how many quizzes I have hosted and co-hosted with the likes of dear-departed greats such as Jeremy Beadle and Magnus Magnusson. Things have not always gone smoothly even with those class acts and on the only other occasion I personally had microphone problems I was heckled mercilessly and the comedian I had booked for the auction refused to go on and it ended in a near riot. I immediately had flashbacks when the unthinkable occurred but I needn't have worried as every single person in that room was so kind, focused and giving I can honestly say it was the most satisfying evening I have ever experienced in so many respects. To share the evening with old friends who I love and respect was reward enough but to make so many new friends on the night is something I don't usually experience at such gatherings so from a personal point of view I would like to thank all those at Archbishop Tenison who made this an event worthy of its name.

It will be some time before the actual profit margins are worked out as unfortunately there are always overheads involved in such ventures and I would like to thank all those people who decided to forego expenses and made donations from Grahame Harding down to the owner of the local school shop who very kindly donated two bottles of his best Champagne. I shall certainly post the aftermath details as I'm sure the school will on their website

God Bless you all

Trevor cycling a time trial in September after camping trip

As the organisers of the SCCU 25 mile t/t were good enough to send me a pic of me in action on my bike I thought I'd post it.
Having had most of the year off with an infection in the undercarriage and frozen shoulder I had not intended to race this year but had such a great time on a recent camping/cycling holiday in Normandy I thought I'd see if the more leisurely cycling on an old mountain bike would transfer to a sound base for racing...It didn't and I struggled to a time of 65.02, but to be honest it was just great to be cycling again as a consultant had actually advised me to give it all up a few months ago.

The holiday I mention was run by Oak Hall, a Christian gathering based in Otford, Kent.

The great appeal of Normandy is the beautiful countryside and the lovely local architecture, including the ancient half-timbered buildings. The region also oozes history, from Mont Saint Michel to Chateau Gaillard; there is much attractive coastline to explore; and the important sights of the Normandy Landing beaches and the Bayeux tapestry are also very popular with visitors to the area.

I'm not sure if I have ever discussed the difference between happiness and joy but this holiday is one example of this difference. It rained most days, very heavily at times, I had some of my pretty cycling clothes stolen, was bitten mercilessly by some very unchristian mosquitoes and could not sleep for the first three days due to my shoulder problem and draughty tent. And so, although I cannot in all honesty say it was a totally happy experience, and I was sorely tempted to book into a cosy hotel when my tent was flooded, I can say that it was the most joyous holiday I have ever had.

The positives were numerous. The 70 of us all faced the adverse conditions together and I learnt an awful lot about myself and about camararderie, love, freedom and the tenacity and hardiness of my fellow Christians. In short we had tremendous fun in the face of adversity. We started the days with a morning worship and then split into groups to pray. We then cycled daily to some lovely French towns, Caen being my favourite with its beautiful fine arts gallery and splendid museum. The terrain was sometimes challenging even for an experienced rider and we did have one or two accidents along the way - but no tears. We ate well and every evening we had a bible study given by Paul, our leader, with the help of his very expressive wife Lizzie, and several other Oak Hallers. We sometimes played games afterwards or sometimes played one of the two guitars available. One night a few of us partook of the local Calvados and that was the first night I slept well!

I have so many great memories, one or two of which are highly embarrassing.

We were given locks for our hired bikes and were told to look after them and not to lose them - cue moi - after eating at the beautiful village of Beauvron we walked back to our bikes only for me to find I had mislaid my key and was unable to unlock my bicycle. Why me Lord? Fortunately Lizzie was not too far away in her car so it was a quick drive back to camp for the wire-cutters and then back to Beauvron to liberate my trusty steed. The car journey was great fun although I wondered if I had upset Lizzie at one point when mentioning (just after she had taken a corner at high speed) that my favourite Gospel song was Jesus Take The Wheel (about a girl who was just about to have a car accident after driving too fast). This was a coincidence I assure you - or was it a subliminal kneejerk reaction! Anyways I was offered a lift back to camp but decided to cycle back and there is no better way to learn local routes than to get yourself lost - and I did both - but arrived back safely in time for tea.......just.

The other misfortune that befell me was prompted by good intentions. The whole camp was suffering from damp clothes so I offered to spend an evening drying clothes in a not-so-hot spin dryer. It was a most enjoyable evening and Christine, my young sister-in-arms, taught me more about the subject of horses than I would ever need in any form of quiz while we were waiting for each 45 minute cycle to end. I eventually ran out of tokens so went back the next morning with the last two loads, mine and Heather's. Helen, the receptionist offered to do the dry for me and duly did so but when I returned after the day's cycle ride the clothes were all gone! Oh dear!

Paul and Lizzie are wonderful hosts - Paul is such an interesting guy - a disaster in every day life, quite clumsy and even a little gauche in some ways but when he is filled with the Spirit and starts preaching his words are inspirational and devout. I love him. Lizzie is equally eccentric in a different way. Her words of wisdom are very lyrical and delivered in a staccato fashion with hand gestures reminiscent of a trolley dolly. It is a beautful and contagious delivery we were all aping by the end of the week.

The other team members, James, Peter, Jennie (inspirational testimony), Rob, Chris (not forgetting his brother naughty Adam) and Matt (the demon cyclist who won the penultimate day time trial and generally ensured our bikes were in good working order and mapped our routes) were fantastic too. They introduced me to the joys of Irish Snap and Signs (which at one point almost turned me into a blubbering wreck) and generally allayed any misconceptions that Christians were boring.

Of course it was impossible to bond with all 69 fellow campers but I have great memories of my tent-mate Raymond (a lay preacher), Mark and David (two very gifted musicians), two Christines, two Rachaels, two Kens, Kathryn (soon to re-enact Gorillas in the Mist), Catriona and her tent-mate Hana (managed to get barred from a local restaurant), Ruth (my friend who entertained with her beautiful voice and guitar-playing as well as generally lifting spirits), Giedre (nasty accident on the final day but continued to smile), Niomh (voice of an angel), Rhys (a history teacher who actually loves history and takes part in re-enactments), Kim and Laura (my quiz team-mates who had the wherewithall to choose me for their team and then proceeded to get all the answers themselves), Niall, Olga, Debbie, Tom (a fine young man who knew no-one at the outset but seemed to be part of the team by day 2), Daniel (a club cyclist like myself who was very shaken all week as he had a nasty fall during a 100 mile t/t the week before, his girlfriend Heather (she whose clothes I managed to lose), Luke and his younger brother, and a white-haired gentleman who sat behind me on the coach and who always had a kind word to say about my eclectic choice of headgear (I never did find out his name and as I liked him so much I was too embarrassed to ask - not like me at all!). I have probably left out several other people I engaged with but my memory isn't what it was, suffice to say I loved them all.

Proof of the Holy Spirit abounded and on one evening I swear a miracle occurred. After going out to eat on our final evening Ruth, Catriona, Hana, Kathryn, Ken and myself arrived back at camp rather late and the gate was locked, Five of us managed to leg it over the top but Ken was having some problems due to his attire but just as all seemed lost the gate mysteriously flew open!

OK so it wasn't the feeding of the five thousand but I tell you - the hot chocolate sump never ran dry : ) Praise the Lord and God bless all those good people above and all those my errant memory has served to forget.

Let's Not Casterspersions

There has been much written and said in the media this past year concerning the gender of the South African 800m runner Caster Semenya and the manner of her win at a meeting in Berlin last night has brought about more negative press response.

But is it justified?

The simple and honest answer is no of course but how on Earth did we ever get to a position where a female athlete has her very being questioned merely because she is different from the norm? Perhaps I might offer an opinion.

In a world where it used to be super cool to be an adherent of the Andy Warhol philosophy of form over substance, shallow imagery and mediocrity being an able substitute for real talent, it is now only cool, perhaps tepid, to be merely different from mainstream. The market has become satiated. The world of art has suffered aesthetically, the world of comedy has suffered humorously and the performing arts have suffered per se. Warhol was a purveyor of illusions, he sold the Emperor’s new clothes whilst wearing raggedy ones himself. He blinded our senses in such a masterful way we would prefer to look at his interpretations of everything from the mundane to the iconic rather than see the actuality. Sheer genius!

Warhol’s influence grew like Christianity, slowly at first with great gushes of inspirational artists each having their own devoted followings, but unlike Christianity the true message became distorted and disciples lost their way. You see, the message Warhol preached through his work was that individuals are interesting. Andy was an individual. He mocked the world. He turned himself into a glorified silk screen printer and churned out manufactured goods. He invented the word Superstar and eventually became one himself. He said everyone would one day be famous for 15 minutes and then the world set out to prove him right.

Andy Warhol preached individuality but, unlike Jesus Christ, he was never meant to be a role model. The problem is Andy’s followers imitated the man and in an effort to sustain and prolong the illusion of cool they drew on the negative energy of his message. So initially we were fortunate to have great free-thinking artists such as David Bowie and John Lennon who were influenced to varying degrees and no doubt would have found ways to express their genius in any case but unfortunately the next generation of less gifted adherents concentrated on Warhol’s perceived surliness and cynicism – which is where we are now.

If you have ever watched a David Bowie interview you will see a man who truly looks at life a little differently from other people, naturally and unforced, although somewhat tortured. I am loathe to give examples of the next generation of artists in this field, particularly as I am a big fan of the likes of Goldfrapp, Madonna and Lady GaGa, but all I’ll say is that art imitates life and living people definitely imitate artists.

The world’s media is the natural progression of Andy Warhol’s influence in all walks of life - Cynical, judgemental, caustic, irreverent, voyeuristic, duplicitous and downright cruel. The press have a vested interest in concentrating on the negative and quite often they will actually create the negative to pander to public taste that they themselves procured. It is a totally self-perpetuating money-making racket that has given us the likes of Katie Price as the ultimate page-filler when a story is required. Without Warhol there would be no Jordan.

As for Caster Semenya – she has now been proven to be a woman although I can’t think why it has taken so long. If I were to drop my pants I would automatically be disqualified to run against women! Her times are good but not manly. I have run much faster for my local Crawley athletics club and I was but a rank and file club athlete. Teenagers often improve in great leaps from year to year and her naturally gifted strength may just make her a precociously talented child. Of course if she begins to run under 1min 50sec for 800m and knocks 20 seconds off her 1,500m time thereby bringing an unnatural element to the table then her case might require monitoring again (hopefully behind closed doors) for future benefit but please let’s leave the poor girl alone and let her live her life. Another South African runner Oscar Pistorius has a similar problem to Caster Semenya and is almost certainly on the same hiding to nothing as the young teenager. The blade-runner is allowed to run against able-bodied athletes and is accepted all the time he is mediocre at international level but how quickly things will change if he ever became a world beater – and it is possible. I have watched him many times and his starts are so abysmal and the middle part of his race so good that I believe that if he stepped up to 800m he would be able to break the world record (incidentally, broken at the same Berlin meeting last night) and that would set the cat among the pigeons.

I for one will be cheering for Caster Semenya to win gold in Delhi later this year. She trains has hard as anyone else, she is not particularly attractive to human senses but so what – the bottom line is she has definitely not tried to defraud or cheat in any way – end of (a phrase I’m sure would not have existed but for Andy Warhol : )

Beadle and Bytheway - gone but not forgotten

It was with mixed emotion I watched the Jeremy Beadle tribute on ITV last night.

Selfishly, I miss the great man as I can no longer call on him to help with some event that I might be involved with. At the moment I am putting together a charity event involving the celebrated Eggheads team, as part of the new schools 14-19 diploma initiative.

All the elements have Jeremy Beadle written all over them and he would have thrown himself into the event and ensured that I had no worries and the evening raised many thousands of pounds and a good time would be had by all.

Also quite selfishly I miss the vibe that Jeremy brought to every conversation we ever had, every situation, every meeting – positive, glowing, ambitious, enthusiastic and real.

Perhaps I didn’t learn too much new about Jeremy. I was actually working with the new production company of You’ve Been Framed just after Jeremy was dropped as presenter and I know, despite what David Liddiment might now say, the reason he was replaced was that they wanted someone cheaper!! This was typical showbiz false economy and with the best will in the world Lisa Riley found Jeremy a very hard act to follow.

I remember telling Jeremy this story and until then I had no idea how genuinely hurt and upset he was at this decision. You see Jeremy was not driven by money, although he could make it very easily, and he would have found a compromise.

In all honesty Jeremy was probably bigger than the show and it occurred to me that is probably why he didn’t get the opportunity to diversify into chat-show hosting.

Ironically, Jeremy kick-started the career of Jonathan Ross and yet he could have shown him a thing or two about interviewing techniques but when you are such a huge star, as Jeremy undoubtedly was, the public find it very difficult to accept you in another guise.

Jeremy was pigeon-holed as a prankster and yet he was one of the most knowledgeable men in television. Give me the choice between Jeremy and Stephen Fry for my quiz team and it would be Jeremy every time. Not to undermine Stephen’s qualities at all but I would know a lot of the comedian’s areas of speciality whilst Jeremy would always come up with the weird and wacky facts no one else would know.

Anyway, it was an ironic tribute from the company that let him down in a way, but all the same it was great to see Sue, Cassie and Bonnie in such good form and if I learnt anything at all it was that Jeremy was much sicker than he ever let on.

This programme made me think of another great friend who has just died prematurely.

Mark Bytheway was a similar animal to Jeremy in some respects. Great knowledge befitting a former World Quizzing Champion and current British champion, but a man who defies description such is his uniqueness and unpredictability. Blessed with an almost unequalled intellect Mark managed to live life to the full and balance the enforced lonely existence of a professional quiz player with bouts of gregariousness only known to those errant ‘never miss a session’ drinking types. Not your average world champion was Mark, but fiercely loyal and respectful. He quizzed with Jeremy too and on one occasion actually had Jeremy literally hurling trivial pursuit questions at him whilst he was cycling for dear life – don’t ask!

Mark also had an infectious enthusiasm which couldn't help but rub off on you and on many occasions we played in a team together and he involved me in professional 'quiz attacks' long before we had a recognised circuit. We had great successes together and just loved it when a plan worked. It is difficult to describe Mark's personality but imagine if Jeremy was Hannibal then Mark would be Murdoch!

I literally couldn't get to Mark's funeral, which has played heavily on my mind, but I loved him like a brother and know that his partner Jo has a magnificent support system in his local Swindon quiz fraternity and in particular my old friends Tim Westcott and Eric Kilby. I would occasionally play D'artagnan to their Three Musketeers but they were true brothers-in-arms.

RIP Jeremy and Mark - your like will never be seen again

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

I am probably in the minority but I actually like the revamped Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

I know the excitement of fastest finger has been taken away and to some extent the unravelling of personality as the wretched contestants no longer squirm in the chair for inordinate lengths of time (at least not for the early timed-questions), but judging by the one show I’ve seen so far, the contestants have been chosen very well and are most deserving.

It is an open secret that many of the changes were forced upon the production team by highly professional quiz syndicates who worked together to spread the wealth. This in itself was a very sensible exercise in my opinion but one that was open to abuse when taken to extreme measures.

To offer my experience of the show as an example might help to clarify.

I was not part of a syndicate and made my five calls to the show myself and also my five internet entries. I struck lucky. I must admit that subsequent to this I did receive some help by the pros who had heard about my good fortune. It was for instance a great help to be able to practice the fastest finger on a simulated machine and this did help my confidence although I should add that on my big night I was the only one of the ten contestants to get the question correct so speed was not of the essence.

After bumbling my way to the 32K question I decided to ask the audience on a question that I felt quietly confident I knew, until that is the result came back and 94 per cent of the audience disagreed. I went with the overwhelming verdict of the audience before Chris called for an ad break and I remained in my chair feeling rather smug.

Chris gave me no signs whatsoever and when we returned from the break and he looked in my eyes and said “It’s the wrong answer” I was momentarily taken aback although wore my best poker face.

At the time I felt a little aggrieved at Chris because he constantly wound the audience up by telling them I was definitely going to win a million and even when I pleaded for the audience not to press unless you know the answer for sure Chris interjected “they’re not going to take any notice of that, they’re on national television”

I mentioned this story to Chris’s PA last week but what I failed to mention was that Chris’s unprofessional approach probably only made a very slight difference to the skewed result - the largest wrong answer in the history of the show!

A few days after the show aired I received an email from an audience member who expressed her sorrow at my loss and explained to me that someone in the audience had told her the wrong answer and she pressed accordingly. No names were mentioned but the description of the individual did fit someone I knew to be in a syndicate and I had met in the queue for the recording a few hours before the show. A few further enquiries made it perfectly clear what had happened and at least it allayed my fears that the whole audience hated me. It seems this person, a big winner himself, had a history of thwarting the chances of non-syndicate members by pressing for wrong answers and this is the ugly side of syndication I'm afraid.

I can see the funny side of it though. This chap actually had the chutzpah to come up to me immediately after the recording to commiserate and assure me he had pressed the correct button (one of only six per cent it seems!). He still remains blissfully unaware that I know what happened but what the heck I would not fall out over something so trivial as money. On the positive side at least I knew that the production company had not stitched me up or the whole of the studio audience hated me : )

One of the nine other contestants on my show was a Mr Ingram Wilcox, a very accomplished quiz player. Ingram had made the final ten several times but had not made it into the chair so it was fantastic to watch him finally succeed in 2006 and walk away with the million.

Speaking of millionaires, I read Bill Gates’ views today in the newspaper and agree that if only billionaires would give just half their wealth towards alleviating poverty then we could wipe out so much of the unnecessary suffering in this world. It occurs to me that no one really cares about those less fortunate people otherwise the rich would not be getting richer and the poor poorer. Third world countries have no say and have been abandoned I’m afraid. I would cap wealth at a million personally. We are so fortunate in the west, and in this little island in particular, but it is time Governments, perhaps the UN, stepped up to the mark and came up with a plan to make life more equal around the world. I often feel ashamed to be human on so many levels. We cannot be trusted to do the right thing, NEPOTISM in all its guises creates corruption and when nepotism is practised as a nation then spiritual chaos is all that's left.

Thank God for Michael Bloomberg, David Rockefeller, Warren Buffet, George Soros, Charles Feeney, Ted Turner, Oprah Winfrey, Eli and Edythe Broad, John and Tashia Morgridge, George Lucas, T Boone Pickens, Barry Diller and Diane Von Furstenberg, Baron Hilton, Ronald Perelman, Larry Ellison and of course Bill Gates. I understand all these people have pledged half their wealth and they are also preaching the merits of philanthropy to other billionaires. I would go a step further and ask people with two million to donate one of those million. The benefits are indescribable. Wealth is an illusion - a drug like any other. Striving is important - beneficial - poverty prevents creativity, motivation, ambition and drive. It causes criminal tendencies. We need to strike a balance but this is beyond human collectivity. Governments need to tax the super rich for their own good and the good of the world. It is obvious.

I agree with everything Prince Charles says about saving our planet but the truth is it will all be in vain unless we change as a people.

Sorry to end on such a serious note

As I write I have the radio on in the background and here are three jokes I have just heard

1) I hate those little Russian matryoshka dolls - they are so full of themselves!

2) My friend got a job in a bowling alley today. “Ten pin” I asked. “No” he replied “permanent!”

3) There was a young lady from Saigon who felt Limericks were three lines too long

Long Live Doctor Who?

It occurred to me today that I might well be unique inasmuch as I am fairly sure I have seen every episode of Doctor Who since that very first episode on the day after President Kennedy was assassinated in 1963. I say fairly sure because even to me it seems quite fantastic that in those days before video recorders I consistently managed to transpire to be in front of a television set on a Saturday evening. I must be deluding myself I know but I honestly believe that I have never missed a single one. I was hooked from the moment my father called us kids down to watch the very first episode An Unearthly Child. The child of the title was in fact the Doctor’s granddaughter Susan Foreman, who excelled in some subjects at school but showed a distinct lack of knowledge in others to the dismay of her teachers Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright. Susan went to school in 1960’s Britain because she was stranded on Earth due to a malfunctioning TARDIS. The puzzled teachers followed Susan home one day and saw her disappear into a police telephone box situated in an old junkyard. Thus began the longest-running, and finest, sci-fi series of all time.

I was already a great fan of CS Lewis and the Narnia Chronicles so was used to the concept of snow-covered lands at the back of wardrobes but the TARDIS was such a brain-stretcher, it remains the same fascinating concept today as it was then. To see Ian and Barbara walk in and then walk out and around, as virtually every other assistant has done so since, before commenting “but it’s bigger on the inside” ensured a life-long addiction. At nine-years-old I bought the books and watched the Peter Cushing films and remember being so upset when William Hartnell turned into Patrick Troughton. Although William Hartnell will always be the best Dr Who for me, as he was the first, I soon enjoyed all the subsequent incarnations, in equal measure – they all brought something to the table and the character is so iconic, and complex, that it is almost impossible to miscast an actor in the role.

I remember settling down to see the second episode on the 30 November 1963 and was absolutely gobsmacked when the first episode was shown again. This was not advertised in the newspapers and we merely thought it was a mistake but the relief and joy when the second episode was shown immediately after has gone down in history as one of those iconic television moments. After a brief visit back to the cave-dwelling troglodytes we were transported to Skaro and the civil war between the Daleks and Thals. We were then transported to distant planets or to different time periods on Earth, always meeting the famous people of the day such as Marco Polo. I remember one storyline, The Celestial Toyroom, which literally terrified me as it became apparent that even the doctor was a mere pawn at the hands of the toymaker.

Why do I mention my love for the programme now?

My dear friend Gavin Fuller won Mastermind answering questions on Doctor Who and is far more knowledgeable about the programme than I could ever be but poor Gavin was born after the series began and so has to have a distorted view of the whole. Most fans tend to love the doctor who was incumbent at the time of their first cognisant viewing. Can someone who did not live through the 60s really appreciate The Beatles, or begin to understand their effect on humankind? It is the same with Doctor Who to a lesser extent, but in the same way as I had become slightly disillusioned with Paul McCartney since the McCartney/Lennon debacle and the Heather Mills thing I had also become slightly miffed at the way Doctor Who had been heading. Although the actors have been incredibly gifted since its return unfortunately the writers had made it almost a parody of itself with constant implied references to its iconic stature – and then along came Steven Moffat to breathe new life and spark. I watched the final series episode last weekend and was moved to tears for the first time in years. Steven is an incredible talent and probably the most underrated writer in Britain. Joking Apart was one of the best ever comedies on television. It was original and funny and so intelligently well written it was almost a scandal that it did not clean up on the awards front. Anyone who has a stand-up comedian as a friend will know what a nightmare these people can be off stage. It is part of what makes people laugh at them and Joking Apart portrayed this beautifully although making the leading protagonist something of a misunderstood hero too.

I am so looking forward to the next series of Doctor Who when I assume River Song (played surprisingly well by Alex Kingston) will play a fairly prominent role as her mysterious relationship with the doctor unravels.

Unlucky England footballers but Long Live Doctor Who!

Good health to you all but what does that mean?

I feel a little ashamed today.

I saw the surgeon the other day about the lump in my perineum area. He was a very affable man and began our conversation with a cheery “How are you?” which I always find a very strange opening gambit by a doctor as I quite obviously would not have the pleasure of his company if I were well!

Mr Williams was direct and no messing about at all – internal examination, MRI scan booked, advice and leaflets on a side issue of pruritus – oh and he advised me never to cycle again!!
A bit of an over-reaction I thought so I did the usual sportsperson thing and looked for someone who could tell me that this prognosis was nonsense. Alas I failed and the second opinion concurred with the first!!!

Although he hadn’t had my scan result yet the good doctor confirmed to me in writing that in his opinion the subcutaneous swelling can only be alleviated by non-cycling – possibly forever!
Reading those dramatic words panicked me a little as at my advanced age there is very little else I can do to keep fit and I am one of those sad creatures that feels the need to look after the body I was blessed with. Saying that, I am very aware that this desire for physical fitness is a mental condition and only last summer an eminent cardiologist told me that in his opinion I am as much a junkie as someone who injects heroin into their veins every day!

Again this doctor was quite wrong. I would not jeopardise my health by over-exercising and would/could stop if I were forced to.

At the moment I have compromised with the surgeon and agreed to change my saddles and have purchased a couple of odd-looking purpose-built perineum-friendly saddles that I shall relish testing when I am completely healed.

I had an appointment to get my ears syringed today at my local surgery and as I waited at reception I exchanged greetings with one of the doctors . His opening remark was “how are you?”.
I was inclined to respond “ apart from my two blocked ears, tinnitus, SVT, bad back, dodgy shoulder, calf and Achilles strains and the very depressing prognosis of my perineum infection – I’m not so bad”.
Of course I did the British thing and merely replied “fine thank you and how are you?”. The brief pause before his reply of “not so bad” told me that he was probably suffering worse than I at the moment!

Anyway, as per usual the nurse would not unblock my glue ears as they are forever pink and scaly so I just have to put up with deafness until they magically clear. I say as per usual as I have been referred for syringing several times recently but never actually managed to get the deed done for the aforementioned reason. I have been living in this strange world of muffled hearing every morning when I wake and it is quite disorientating. I go through a routine of trying to unblock them with a hot flannel and have had some success on good days but more often than not fail miserably so resort to pouring olive oil in them. This is the recent innovation in ear wax dispersion, the olive oil softens the wax and makes it easier to syringe out – although in my case it is back to the flannel.

Despite these irritating niggles I am actually in rude health and am always acutely aware that so many people have to confront real health issues which devastate their lives and they sometimes have no hope of reprieve.

You see the obsession with physical fitness tends to make all athletes finely tuned and just one short step away from hypochondria. I remember the actress Sheila Hancock saying once when being interviewed and asked about her health “mind you I’ve never felt quite right all my life– have you?” This sums up the condition of the inveterate exerciser.
Two old friends and fellow competitors in very different fields have been struggling with cancer recently.

I read today in the obituaries that Andy Ripley OBE finally succumbed to prostate cancer after a five-year battle with the disease. Andy was a one-off, a true extrovert. After his fantastic international rugby union career was ended so abruptly in 1976 he came to the Crawley area to live with his wife, Elizabeth and three young children and began to train with us although competing for Luton Polytechnic. I got to know him very well and loved his eccentricity and laid-back attitude. He would often spend his time playing with his children before training sessions and then just step on the track to complete an interval session. We often competed against each other in the Southern League where we would invariably both start the day in the 400 hurdles move on to the shot putt and then usually end up doing the high hurdles and relays. Andy was an inspiration to all around him and certainly inspired me to take up fitness competitions and indoor rowing after he won the World Superstars title in 1980 and numerous rowing titles throughout the nineties. You see Andy just loved keeping fit and had no airs and graces about his international career. I find it unusually upsetting that Andy is no longer with us as he was so full of life and I felt his work on earth was not yet complete – perhaps it was.

An old quizzing friend of mine, Mark Bytheway, was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and last October was told he might not make it to Christmas but in typical Mark fashion he has fought on defiantly and although now in a hospice he is fighting valiantly and even managed to enjoy the England versus USA game the other day with some old mates and a beer. Mark is a former British and World Quizzing champion and as much a one-off as Andy was. Mark is not your stereotypical quiz player. He can be bold and brash, brave, hard-drinking fearless but always brilliant. I remember Beadlebum had this great idea of asking all-comers to compete against me on an indoor bike whilst being asked trivial pursuit questions (only Jeremy could think that one up!) and Mark stepped onto the bike wearing his everyday clothes and proceeded to ride a faster time than all the other competitors despite never doing a jot of training. Only the other day Kev Ashman and I went to see Mark with another friend, Nigel. Mark was looking awful, jaundiced bright yellow and constantly vomiting black bile. He hadn’t spoken for a couple of hours as he was exhausted. Kev and Nigel were discussing Pat Gibson’s choice of Mastermind subject, the Pixar films, and had decided that it was not too difficult a subject as there were only nine of them. As we looked at Mark his fist began to open and then close and then open again. Mark was informing Nigel and Kev (the multi-world quiz champion) that there were 10 Pixar films to-date!! And of course he was quite right – sheer genius!

Now you see why I began this blog telling you I felt ashamed.

The most important aspect of our wellbeing is spiritual health – the physical state is often perceived by us to be vital in overcoming life’s vicissitudes when in fact a strong spiritual base can alleviate much of the grief experienced in our everyday lives. I know this sounds contradictory that on the one hand I admit the need for physical exercise as I clearly function better when serotonin levels are high but on the other hand I am saying that a strong relationship with God can make one feel full of joy whatever the physical condition might be. Jesus Himself was always surprised that man placed physical wellbeing in front of spiritual enlightenment.

Only one aspect of my Christian spirit can I feel confident about. You see among many other things Christianity is a desire. An earnest desire to walk in the shadow of our Lord Jesus and emulate his nature. A desire to do good, be good, see good in all people. A desire to put aside one’s original sin and natural evilness to reflect in an open and fair manner. A desire to be tolerant and to love and to forgive if sinned against in the same way that we ourselves have been forgiven.

Christians have this desire and try not to let their natural sinful nature destroy relationships. They inevitably fall short and cannot always find the right words or actions as they are fickle.
Although I am a Catholic I sometimes visit other churches than my local Friary to witness other Christians and sometimes other faiths. I visited the Crawley Baptist Church last week and had a wonderful evening. The first Sunday in each month is open house for all Crawley churches and the congregation tends to be like-minded in its respect for the Church in general. The visiting minister stated a very true fact about humans. He said “trust can take years to build what suspicion can destroy in an instant”. Perhaps we do not trust enough. Perhaps we are too suspicious. Why can we not accept that we are going to cock up now and then but remain trusting and in a loving relationship. It is suspicion that prevents true forgiveness. Suspicion of motives, suspicion of a lack of respect, suspicion of repentance, suspicion of true sorrow. We hear the expression ‘benefit of the doubt’ and yet we do not know what it means as we rarely give it. WE ALL FALL SHORT. I personally fall so short that I spend my whole life inwardly cringing at things I have said or done when not in the spirit. You see I have the desire but am constantly striving against temptation and my physical stubborness.

So how can we be Christians when we continue to sin all the time in the knowledge that Jesus was totally and uniquely sinless?

We profess our Christianity as a statement of fact because we believe that Jesus, the man on earth, son of God in heaven, died for our sins on the cross two thousand years ago because God so loved the world he gave His only begotten son so we might have the opportunity for eternal life, the kind of life that every single one of us would want if given the choice free from the shackles of sin. To understand what I mean perhaps just think of what we call the seven deadly sins and think if you have ever transgressed. Now imagine a situation where you had a different mindset and all those attractive sins such as lust and greed were banished from your mind because there would be nothing to be greedy for or lust after as you would be consumed by love – Is it now possible for you to imagine how a community might exist with a hierarchy and infrastructure better than the present one and how this ideal is carved indelibly into the soul of every true Christian – and no we are not Stepford beings we have freewill and character too. You see we want to be there to see this spectacle, we want to serve our Father as He serves us. We have passion and desire, we remain undaunted when things go wrong for us, we cock up but try and rebuild where possible and where not possible then we pray for God’s grace. We don’t need to see miracles (although all of us probably wish we could witness a supernatural event merely to satisfy our desire to shove it up all those smug atheists) because we understand the importance of faith, that intangible trust and hope that all non-believers would have you believe makes us fools and yet without faith God cannot know you or have faith in you as what have you shown Him? What have I shown Him? My desire is not enough - I am mindful of my old school motto Facta Non Verba (deeds not words).

I pray that Andy and Mark will by the grace of God find a place in Heaven. Two great men on Earth, one no longer with us the other in the twilight of his time (we all still hope for a miracle but thy will be done).

Life is cyclical but not for me!

March came in like a lion and went out like a lamb for me.

Professionally, I managed to all but finish a very thorough update of my A to Z of Everything for an October publication and am now eagerly awaiting the General Election results to complete the task.

Socially, I was flying around on my bike and with two solid months of cycling behind me I was beginning to leave my fellow Crawley Wheelers in my wake up the hills – the ability to climb hills bizarrely being the benchmark for respect within any cycling club. I say bizarrely because we only have one hill climb race per year so the ability to beat another rider to the top of a hill is far less important than the ability to hug a wheel or turn a huge gear or win the sprint to a post!
I had intended to ride to France last weekend with several of my team-mates but disaster struck mid- March. In an effort to ensure I would not struggle on the French ride to Boulogne-sur-Mer I rode a 100-mile training ride – my first ever!

After completing the ride quite comfortably I retired to bed only to wake up shivering an hour later. The shivering turned to fever and a feeling of dehydration and on rising I realised I had a very painful swelling in my nether regions. To cut a long story short I had managed to pick up some sort of infection and although various antibiotics prevented anything too nasty occurring I have been left with a rather painful calloused lump that simply will not disburse so is going to have to be removed surgically. So after managing to negotiate the cold winter months relatively painlessly (I did come a cropper on the ice in February) I am now off the bike as we approach the spring and summer months.

In mid-April a friend from Purley died and I was asked to arrange the funeral and put his house in order so to speak. This was obviously very sad but gave me an opportunity not to wallow in my own misery by being focused on making the arrangements for the send-off of a much-loved man.

Unfortunately, I broke the basic rules of lifting whilst doing a spot of house clearing and managed to tweak something in my lower back. So after not being able to sit down at my desk for the past six weeks due to my lump I now cannot sit down at my desk due to back strain! Happy Days!

Strangely, it has not been such a bad month. I have managed to get through more work than usual, answer all my backlog of mail and I have even caught up on some much-needed Bible study. I also took time out last Sunday to watch my friend, Ritchie Venner, annihilate the field to win the Southern Vets table tennis championship. Bolstered by a narrow defeat to British No 1 Paul Drinkhall, Ritchie was in inspired form and only dropped a couple of games in the whole tournament, and such was his superb form the other bamboozled finalist actually conceded before the end of the match!

I also found time to watch a recording of the World Junior ten-dance championships in Moscow. A cycling chum, Andy Duffin, had recorded the event as his two sons were competing and it was great to see young talent flourishing in a competitive but sporting environment. Young William Duffin and his partner Amy look like stars of the future and placed a highly-commendable 32nd out of 64 finalists.

My friend Bev invited me to a quiz at Nutfield Priory, nr Redhill and my winning prize was a couple of vouchers for a free back massage – perfect timing given my current position!

My only disappointment is that I had also hoped to walk in the footsteps of my hero, Jesus, whilst off the bike but the planned trip to Jerusalem in May coincides with the General Election stats and proofreading duties so will have to be placed on hold.

It is nice sometimes to step back and smell the roses as they say. I have tended to get into the habit of working all God’s hours and when not at my desk I’d be planning my training routines on my turbo or I’d be out trying to knock off a few seconds off my time up Box Hill. With the enforced rest I was now finding time for the theatre, films, a couple of quizzes, some television and I even sussed out a new church. The funny thing is after a few weeks the perspective comes back into your life and you realise that life goes on without cycling and it is good.

We humans are creatures of habit and when these habits are altered we become stressed and anxious until we step back and realise that our habits are actually a negative thing in many ways.

My friend who died was a great collector. Malcolm had huge collections of stamps, cigarette cards, books, cigar labels, scissors!, watches, and money...........yes money, not foreign money or rare coins but sterling coins. Eccentric perhaps but the product of an orderly mind or at least that is the perception. I am in awe of these collections but realise that these obsessions are the same ones as I used to suffer from. I also used to be a collector – of cigarette cards, coins, books, magic tricks, comics, classical vinyl records, playing cards, and the most bizarre one of all writing implements! Everything from quill pens to coloured chalk – what was that all about?

These things are all just habits – safe havens for us to escape into when feeling insecure or not in sync with the rest of the universe. The lesson I learnt and am relearning now is that none of us are islands. Things that seem important to us have little impact on the cosmos generally. What is important is that we have a perspective on life and how we use our waking hours.

Yes on the whole it has been a great past couple of months

Battle of Hustings!

As a result of Laura Moffatt standing down as our local MP we had the Comedy Club Roadshow, better known as Crawley CLP Hustings, last night at the Civic Hall.

A week ago I had planned to vote for my friend Chris Oxlade, as I knew we didn’t really have any other local members who could gain populace votes in the constituency. I did have reservations as I knew he wasn’t really very well versed politically but the local Labour Party mafia were extolling his virtues so I felt they must be ready to groom him.
However, as these things sometimes happen, I subsequently received an email from one of the two National Executives’ choice of candidate, Sonia Sodha. This young lady was obviously going places. She ticked all the boxes as a model candidate for Crawley: young, highly-intelligent, motivated, articulate, passionate, friendly but determined and as luck would have it she had two Asian parents.

Now this last ‘quality’ might seem irrelevant but the truth is at every other meeting I have attended the past few years the subject of the “apathy of our 15 per cent Asian community” has been raised. “If only we could second someone they could identify with so that they might feel that they have a voice” is a phrase I have heard on numerous occasions – and so naturally I was very excited to find when I actually did my homework on Sonia she surpassed all my expectations.
I sat through a two-hour video of her giving evidence to a Westminster select committee on a subject close to my heart – Education. I was interested in this as I happen to have been seconded onto a Croydon Schools steering committee for the new Government Diploma initiative which begins in the autumn term 2010.
I phoned Sonia to question her on this and other aspects of education as well as find out what she knew about Crawley itself as she lived some 15 miles outside the borough.
Again Sonia did not disappoint. She was well aware of all the local issues regarding our lack of full hospital services, unemployment, airport expansion, Asian apathy, and she even knew all about the disreputable opposition candidate Henry Smith and his lack of pothole funding! (if only he would contribute some of his unnecessary expenses of the past year he might at least retarmac the High Street outside the Town Hall – it is a disgrace!).

I realise I am known more for my ability to answer quiz questions and to solve lateral thinking problems but I believe my real talent is my ability to assess the merits of people. Not all types of people and not on all occasions but just sometimes I can spot a good one. It is not a psychic thing, not a gut feeling as such (although this is often as I describe it) it is simply a series of subtle judgements I am able to make given the person’s body language, manner, background, speech and general mien. Another words I muster the same skills as I use on Mensa tests or any of those quizzes I used to take part in a few years ago.
Anyway, I saw the flashing green lights with Sonia and knew I had to do something.
I wrote to Colin Moffatt, a respected local member, to air my views. I phoned Ian Weller, Chris Redmayne, Chris Mullins, the local party office and anyone else who would listen. I could hardly come out and say I KNOW we have a potential Prime Minister in our midst so I tried to be a little more subtle and ask for their opinions whilst managing to offer my own view. I did not hear back from Colin and after the disgraceful behaviour last night I now know why. Mr Weller also had already made his mind up but the two Chris’s were willing to be swayed at the Hustings (thank God I thought).

We had five candidates all speaking for 10 minutes, the first four were all good although Sonia was quite remarkable and not only gave a rousing speech but also handled the ten-minute question session impeccably. I watched the near 140 audience members nod with her and clap her as she went along. I listened to the loudest cheer of the evening both when she finished her speech and her Q & A session. I punched the air as she strode off the stage………..Surely every single person in that hall could see what I saw?

The last candidate was Chris Oxlade and his ten-minutes were different from the other four inasmuch as he spent a lot of the time reiterating what we already knew about him from his CV. The question-session that followed was an unmitigated disaster and time after time Chris was unable to offer any personal opinion whatsoever and seemed not to understand the purpose of the evening. It was embarrassing at the time and I felt for him very much. He is an absolutely lovely lad and I broke convention last June by speaking on his behalf before voting took place to elevate him to the council representing my own area of Bewbush. This was a no-brainer for me as the man is a legend locally, has his own show on Radio Mercury on Saturday mornings and the popularity coupled with a media outlet is EXACTLY what you want locally. Unfortunately this does translate into candidacy for prospective MP!! Debating skills are necessary, ability to think on your feet without pondering and above all an awareness of the bigger picture. I knew Chris did not possess these qualities in abundance although a week earlier I was prepared to give him my vote as I felt his other qualities might make his position tenable.
Chris’s performance last night made it impossible to vote for him and the woman supporter (who I shall not name out of respect for a very high-profile member of the party) who spent the whole of Chris’ speech whooping and hollering through every faux pas and clapping and cheering every errant word in a vain attempt to hoodwink the audience into believing this was the Messiah we were listening to, should be ashamed of herself and the disgrace she brought on her family. This woman even shouted down a lady questioner at one point when she tried to ask if Chris felt he was up for the job. Fortunately for Chris this wasted some time but the real killer blow came within the last 90 seconds when the final questioner asked “what is your view on Casino Capitalism?” I was feeling so sorry for my friend by now that I was somewhat relieved when the vague expression and sweated brow was now replaced by a wry grin. “What is my view on Casino Capitalism?. Where shall I start” Chris was then given the one minute reminder and it became clear that this was either going to be a killer reply or something was very wrong. I had worked out by now that Chris didn’t have a clue what the term meant but couldn’t understand why he didn’t ask Roy to explain the term. It would be no disgrace and it is a fair bet that he wouldn’t be the only candidate that didn’t understand the term. But alas no, Chris preferred to remain silent and never uttered another word until the timekeeper called time. Chris was given sympathetic applause and I shall not repeat what some of my fellow members commented on his performance but suffice to say the neutrals were blissfully unaware that the hustings meant nothing.

The count came back and Chris beat Sonia by one vote!

Well done the Crawley Labour Party – I have never felt so ashamed since I hosted the British Quiz championships ten years ago and had to announce a skewed result because someone had added an unedited and unseen final round which probably cost Kev Ashman the title, although the winner was indeed a very worthy champion.
Chris Oxlade is also a worthy champion. The party says so! It is just a plain and simple fact that the best person for the job did not win. Of course I shall back Chris, and indeed have spent the Easter weekend delivering leaflets around town on his behalf, but I shall always know at the back of my mind that we could have done something great for our town but failed miserably!

Whatever Sonia does next I know we all support her in Crawley. We all wish her the best and I for one hope and pray another vacancy comes up in the future before she is snapped up by another constituency.

It's a sad sad situation

I received two sad letters this week.

The first was from my local MP Laura Moffatt informing me she was standing down and not fighting the next General Election.

I admit I shed a tear.

We have been friends for the past ten years and in that time I have seen her in action on numerous occasions. Selfless, passionate, honest, loyal, trustworthy, hard-working, dynamic and warm-hearted are just a few adjectives that trip off my pen with ease.
Laura was a politician that always went that little bit further than most others. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays she would often arrive home after midnight and her weekends were more often than not a mixture of surgeries and charity work. Despite our Tory-biased local press often misrepresenting her most people knew that the local hospital where she nursed for two decades would not still be open if it were not for her efforts.
We were very confident Laura would retain her seat despite having the smallest majority of all MPs at the last election – now we shall never know!
I feel a little light has gone out in my world and I wonder if we shall ever see the likes of Laura Jean Moffatt again – she was, and remains of course, a true one-off.

The second letter I received (or rather an email) was from an old pal, Tim Selby, who has just had a very serious cycling accident and is now paralysed from the waist down.
The accident was not caused by a pothole or during difficult driving conditions but by a combination of a cross wind and an intimidatory passing lorry causing him to take evasive action onto the grass and back onto the road in front of a different lorry!
As a cyclist myself I feel a mixture of anger and sadness. I have had similar incidents myself and only by the grace of God am I alive to write this blog.
We are told to ‘THINK BIKE’ but in this country most motorists think only PEST and rarely do I complete a ride without some near miss or heart-stopping moment. The Government continually tell us to use our bikes but do parents really want their children to risk their lives on our roads with all the uneducated motorists about.
Even with the roads in the state of repair that they are in we are constantly tooted and screamed at if we are more than a foot from the Kerb! Don’t these people know that we are much happier near the kerb but it is not always possible to ride there because of badly-damaged roads, ill-fitting drain or protruding man-holes.
It is a very British problem at the moment as anyone who has ever ridden on the Continent will tell you. In many countries of Europe it is normal to ride two abreast never having to worry about traffic as motorists will pass when they are able and are happy to sit behind a group of cyclists until an opportune time to overtake. In England the mentality is very different – it is frustration and scorn – and we feel it – and yes we are intimidated – scared if you like.
I had a guy overtake me last week near my home and he actually cut me up so badly his offside wheels went up the kerb and I was forced to jump up onto the kerb to avoid his wheels! The guy pulled into the local shops 100 yards ahead and I followed him into the car park to enquire what it was all about. He got out of his van and started swearing away that it was a 20mph speed limit (I had just completed a training ride and was poodling down my street at a little above walking pace!). I told him I had a groin strain and that having to ride up the kerb was not aiding the healing process. More swear words followed to the effect that he couldn’t care less and I was left standing there with hands on hips flabbergasted. He walked away and then turned around and said “I suppose you are going to report me now” to which I assured him I had no intention of doing. My only thought was to try and understand the thought process but it became clear that there was no thought process, no motive, no reason, just a very bad tempered bloke who for that moment in time decided to scare me witless.

But you see that is all it takes.

Tim was a social rider and one of the most talented snooker players I have ever seen. At the moment all he can think of is his wife and four children and although he does have some hope for regaining partial feeling he will never walk unaided and yet no one feels responsible. It was just an accident! In his heart of hearts I wonder if the lorry driver that caused the initial wobble (didn’t stop and was never found) has any regrets.
It is no fun driving on our roads but I have had several friends from my local cycling club, Crawley Wheelers, killed and maimed in the ten years I have ridden with them.
I know the risks but at the moment I am feeling that if I survive white-van-man then the state of the roads will probably do for me!

I’ll pray for Tim’s recovery but I’ll also pray for the hearts of man to change

Stick to the Numbers game Carol....please

Let me set my stall out from the start – I am NOT a political animal although I do support my local MP (this I would do irrespective of what party she represents as I just happen to believe that she has done a magnificent job in my home town of Crawley).
Watching Question Time is about as far as I am prepared to go in keeping abreast of party politics and very often it is only the views of the audience rather than the panel that I ever truly respect (with some notable exceptions). This was never more apparent than in last week’s show where panellists included former Countdown presenter Carol Vorderman and journalist and self-styled flâneur Will Self.
I really do hate being negative, or cruel, or in fact saying anything at all when it is not positive BUT it is difficult not to comment on the BBC’s judgement in inviting another television presenter on to a political show when they are clearly way out of their depth. Having the overtly erudite Will Self seated on your right must be very intimidating but Carol was lulled into a sense of false security by having the affable and more subtly gifted Boris Johnson seated to her left (I am in fact a huge Boris fan as he tends to be that all too rare commodity HONEST). What followed in the course of the hour was so cringe-making it made Carol’s Strictly appearance only the second worst career move she has ever made. From the moment her glasses were donned one could feel this was going to be an intellectual car crash.
Carol is of Conservative persuasion. She is Blue through and through. She is also blind to the arguments of any other political party in the same way as some religious zealots are blinded by their own truths to the detriment of other perfectly rational truths. Unfortunately when someone says black and you scream back WHITE it does not instil great confidence in what that person has to offer as a viable solution to any problem.
Carol appeared to have spent the evening learning her diatribe against anyone or anything non-Tory. She was not going to be swayed by reasoned argument and clearly was unable to get involved in a serious verbal joust with the highly-skilled but, fortunate for her, benevolent Self (on this occasion – maybe he is a Countdown fan!) but what she didn’t realise was her haranguer style had reduced the Mayor of London to a seemingly embarrassed state of catatonia.
Of course Carol is a member of Mensa and has a high IQ, which probably gives me as much right as anyone to question the wisdom of this booking as I too am a member of Mensa, but contrary to public perception all this means is that we have the ability to solve meaningless puzzles (or as one of my dear friends puts it – the ability to place square pegs in round holes), it does not give us the ability to mix it in the political world with professionals.
My honest advice for Carol would be to gain far more experience (as Will Self has done) on more downmarket panel shows such as those presented by other professional television intellectuals like Stephen Fry and Ian Hyslop. I would love to change the world but if I were asked to appear on Question Time the answer would be a resounding NO – it is a tough gig with a very informed and partly invited audience most of whom have an interest in politics and almost all of which would have more heartfelt and sincere views than myself. When will the BBC learn to check out their invited celebrities for suitability and IMPARTIALITY!

Promotion of A to Z of Britain and Ireland

With the recent publication of my A to Z of Britain and Ireland I have been busy doing some promotional work. I had a local signing at Waterstones in Crawley the Saturday before Christmas and this went quite well. Julian Clary signed in the store two days earlier and I was pleased that I managed to outsell him, particularly as my local rag quite understandably concentrated on advertising his event rather than mine. Mind you I do know my place. While Julian was afforded the privacy of a sheltered signing area so those who want to see the great man are obliged to buy a book, I, as always, was stuck in the centre of the store feeling like a museum exhibit for much of the two hours I signed! A huge thank you to Chris Oxlade at Radio Mercury FM for plugging the signing on his Saturday morning show and to friends, Pete Ediss, Ruth Benjamin, Justyna Greba, and Steve and Mandy Lloyd who came along to support me and purchase books (in Pete's case four books).

Although I quite enjoy radio plugs, and am always so grateful for this exposure, I am never happier than when addressing a captive audience so it was an absolute delight to revisit a school I first visited last year; Archbishop Tenison, in Croydon, south London.
Initially I was taken to the staff room for a much-needed cup of tea and then was treated to lunch by the IT teacher, Miss Benjamin, whose class I was to visit. After lunch I was introduced to 6th former Richard Jenkins, a budding Mastermind with the specialist subject of Quantum Physics. I suggested perhaps he narrowed this subject down to a particular area or, better still, one of the early pioneers.
The young adults of maybe 14 or 15 years of age then began to trickle in and I overheard Miss Benjamin referring to Cameron, Rebecca, Jessica and Abigail which gave me the opportunity to begin my talk by informing these children what the derivation of their names were. Cameron is something of a computer genius so I suggested perhaps his parents named him after a Gaelic translation of the word ‘Awesome’ (what I didn’t mention was that a more accurate translation from Scots Gaelic is ‘Crooked Nose’). I informed Rebecca that her name originally meant ‘one that brought peace’ but the sniggers from her classmates made this of doubtful authentication. Jessica seemed quite proud that her name meant ‘God beholds’ and Abigail was equally happy to know that her name meant ‘father rejoices’. The biggest laugh was after I rather immodestly told the children that they could check all these names out on page 556 of the latest edition of the A to Z of Everything - including my own which means Big....Head (actually this was my only misinformation as my name actually means ‘big village’).
I then spoke of how computer advances had helped me in reducing the time it takes me to compile one of my books although I did add the caveat that you cannot necessarily believe everything you read on Wikipedia. I retold a story I had heard at church the day before as told by Bishop Kieran Conry of Arundel and Brighton. The good bishop had been researching the possibility of John the Baptist’s head being preserved 2,000 years on. Internet sources cite possible locations as the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, Sebaste in Samaria, Herod’s palace in Jerusalem, Emesa in Phoenicia, Basilica of St. John Lateran in Rome, and several other sites including one at Wakefield in Yorkshire! I suggested that when the daughter of Herodias demanded from King Herod “bring me the head of John the Baptist” perhaps Herod should have replied – “which one!”
It was then time for a magic show. The theme was logical thinking and the children had to try and work out how I could get them to shuffle a pack of cards – pick ten cards from the pack, shuffle them anyhow they wanted and then choose one to show the class before replacing the card in the pack and then reshuffling before handing the cards back to me to make my prediction. Cameron was the first to play and I began by telling him that I had made a prediction that morning before setting out and I had placed a piece of paper under the orthotic of my right shoe. I produced the piece of paper and moments after informing me his card was the Ace of Spades I showed him that this indeed coincided with my prediction. Isaac was the next to choose a card. I immediately told him before he even returned the pack to me that his card was the Six of Hearts. It was fantastic to see and hear the shock and as an afterthought Isaac asked me why I didn’t make the prediction earlier as I had done with Cameron. I then suggested he pull a piece of paper out of my back pocket and when the Six of Hearts was produced the joy on the children’s faces was something to behold. Several more children tried their luck, the funniest being young Adeyna who shuffled the pack every which way she could and then changed her mind about her original choice and decided to select another card. Without touching the pack I told her that my prediction was made earlier and that if she looks in my coat pocket she would find a solitary piece of paper with her card written on it. When she opened the paper Adeyna freaked out and threw it away in horror. For the record no one managed to win the teacher’s huge cash prize (she had more faith than I had) for anyone who solved the trick although I did like one pupil’s suggestion there were hidden cameras (which given the computer technology of this room was very feasible, but untrue). I also liked the suggestion that I had 52 pieces of paper secreted in 52 orifices on my person! This was of course evidently partly true but did not explain how the trick was done with a standard deck of cards with no markings. Before I left I did inform Miss Benjamin of my methods but whether she ever tells the children is down to her – she will be badgered though : )
We then had a computer-related quiz. Fortunately for me I was not asked to take part this time as I had done to such unspectacular effect on my previous visit (I placed last) so the teacher asked me to write ten questions whilst she supplied the other ten. Just as well I was not subjected to ritual humiliation once again as I feel sure I would not have even guessed one of Miss Benjamin’s jolly difficult questions even though I had a six to one chance of success. Again the RMTUTOR equipment was used, whereby all the machines display the same screen when activated by a software package called Active Expression. The handpieces act as advanced buzzer systems. We could not only see all the answer options but also who answered quickest, who hadn’t answered, who answered wrongly, exact times and ongoing scores. And all the information was displayed on an interactive whiteboard. The children showed remarkable knowledge to questions such as ‘What year was the word "computer" first used to describe a mechanical calculating device?’ and ‘What computer device did Douglas Engelbart invent in 1963?’(answers 1897 and Mouse – I think). After a three-way tie at the top between Ryan, Adeyna and Cameron – The awesome crooked nose won by dint of having the fastest finger and chose the A to Z of almost Everything as his prize.
The last 20 minutes was given over to an exercise in designing a home page banner for my website using Adobe Flash (this was a detergent that cut cleaning time in half when I was at school!). I was to choose a winner from the class of 17 and this was an almost impossible task as each and every person showed remarkable flair and ability. I particularly liked Jessica’s method of tagging all three of my books on the banner with the first two books fading into the background whilst the latest Britain book rose like a phoenix from the ashes through the centre. I also admired Abigail’s innovation of having the 26 letters of the alphabet revolving around the bottom of the banner by way of acknowledging my epithet as the A to Z man. Others mentioned in despatches included Oliver’s use of each book gaining prominence in rotation with the publicity blurb making up the background. The winner though was Jack’s clever sales pitch along the lines of “Perhaps you are interested in sport (with a shot of the sports book now in the foreground), perhaps Britain (with the latest book taking pride of place) or maybe just everything (with my best-selling book now superseding the Britain book). Quite simple, but very effective. Rebecca, had been working on some other cool effects and Miss Benjamin has subsequently charged her with a complete redesign of my site, including the winning banner.
We had a splendid few hours and, despite my reluctance to divulge the trade secret of how my trick was performed, we parted as friends. For my part, in this sometimes cruel and cynical world, I was filled with fresh hope that perhaps the future of our planet is in safe hands.